8 Social Media Exes That Every Girl Has
Isn’t it cute when your mom talks about her college boyfriend and wonders what he’s up to? Meanwhile, you still know the exact whereabouts from the guy you dated for one day in the sixth grade.
But not all exes are created equal, and as you probably know, guys are complete weirdos when it comes to social media. Whether you have ex-boyfriends, ex-hook-ups, or a couple dudes who ghosted you, you can probably think of someone for each “type” of social media ex.
1. The one who still likes all your shit
When you’re dating someone, they’re expected to like all of your shit. When you break up with someone, you’d like them to disappear forever. But, because guys are idiots, they think that you’re still heartbroken over them and that “liking” your stuff is “nice” of them. They’ll sleep better at night knowing that even though they’re assholes, they still double-tap all your Instagram photos and are still leaving the option open in case they want to hit it again.
2. The one whose life went to shit after the breakup
You break up, suddenly he gains 30 pounds, starts to look like a homeless man, and randomly begins posting weird ass quotes. Do you feel bad? Do you feel superior? Well, honestly, it depends how things ended. If you dumped him, you probs feel like shit. If he dumped you, well then hell yeah, look who won the break up, bitch!
3. The one who suddenly became a fitness model
On the total opposite side of your now-fat ex, you have the other ex who started “getting swole” and chugging protein shakes to deal with the break up. In his last tagged photo, he’s the color of Donald Trump and is wearing some form of a man-thong. Does he look ripped as fuck? Hell yeah. Are you into it? Not unless you also have a crush on Zoolander.
4. The one who deleted your existence from his Instagram
Remember that one time you fulfilled your life long dream of dating a photographer? Life was great…until you guys fought over some stupid shit, broke up, and never spoke again. When you lurked his Instagram profile to find that one pic he took of you where you actually look like a model, you realize that he’s suddenly deleted every fucking picture of you from his gram…WTF? Is this was being an artist’s muse is really like?
5. The one who randomly blocked you
Realizing that you’ve been blocked brings an onslaught of emotions. You’re shocked that he randomly blocked you, you’re bummed that you can’t stalk him ever again (JK that’s what friends are for), and you’re sad that this means you’re probs never ever going to get back together. But then you feel superior once you realize that the reason he probably blocked you was because he’s not over you, and your latest tagged bikini pics were def too much for him to handle.
6. The one who embarrasses you
You hooked up for two months over the summer of 2010 and never even fucked, so why does he continue to comment on all your posts as if you guys are dating? If one more of your friends or current hook-ups ask who that guy that always comments on your shit is, you might have to block his ass.
7. The one who wants to “catch up”
Yo, dude, your window for asking for “closure” ended two years ago. We don’t need to meet for drinks just because we both live in the same city again, and you definitely don’t need to keep randomly FB chatting me. Now, move along.
8. The one who tries to haunt
It’s one thing to be obsessed with you, it’s another thing to ghost you and then try to return by spamming your social media pages. Like, GTFO! You already got over him once, you don’t need to relapse. This my friends, is called haunting, and any guy who does it needs to be blocked ASAP.
