F*ckboy Olympics Round 7: Chris Brown vs. Scott Disick
Welcome back to the Fuckboy Olympics, where our panel of judges decides which sexy douchenozzle is the biggest player of them all.
As we continue to make our way through the bracket, weâ€™ve already gone through several rounds: American athletes, American entertainers, international superstars, and elder statesmen. Weâ€™re now in our second round of the quarterfinals, after a banner week that included a match-up between Tyga and Scott Disick.
Now, weâ€™re advancing to the next round on the leftÂ side of the bracket, with theÂ final four of American entertainers and athletes â€” Chris Brown vs. Scott Disick and Kris Humphries vs. Tiger Woods.
Now let’s get ready to fuckboy!
1. Chris Brown vs. Scott Disick
This was landslide, with Chris Brown taking the title because of his many dastardly deeds over the years.
It’s not just his track record with Rihanna, which really puts him in a separate category of “abuser” rather than fuckboy. But as sex & dating writer Ashley Uzer points out, “he convinced Rihanna to get back with him and still somehow convinces girls to date him.” That takes some master manipulation, which is a fuckboy hallmark.
“He could’ve been on some MJ shit but he fucked it up,” intern Marisa Bryant says.
Referring no doubt to his relationships with some of the coolest girls in the world, “Chris Brown ruins every good thing that happens to him,” intern Kayla Jacksons says.
Chris Brown is not only violent and manipulative but has even slut-shamed his daughter, as pop culture writer Maria Pasquini reminds us. Also, as Galore TV producer Elena De Santiago points out, he was even a dick toÂ Kehlani when he had no reason to comment.
“Chris Brown is like the Trump of the music industry,” she says. “He thinks he’s always right and the greatest but should be in prison and unable to influence anyone.”
A solemn Drea Nickelle put it thusly:
“He repeatedly proves to us thatÂ fuckboy will forever run through his veins.”
There was one detractor, though. Intern Ashley Chew, who must be an undercover “Run It” stan voted Scott “because he wears pajamas more than ‘Bananas in Pajamas.'”
Chris Brown: 10
Scott Disick: 1
WINNER: Chris Brown
2.Â Kris Humphries vs. Chris Brown
This was another landslide. Everyone voted Tiger Woods for his cheating ways.
“Sure Kris Humphries made some mistakes and got sucked into the celeb culture when he clearly wasn’t ready, but Tiger Woods made like 30,” Ashley Uzer says. “I’m honestly surprised one of his mistakes wasn’t in the form of a baby.”
“The thought of him hooking up with theÂ neighbor’s daughter still disturbs me,” Drea said.
“He’s so innocent looking,” Marisa says, “but such a damn liar.”
“He’s sleazier than he appears and that makes him dangerous,” intern Keely Quinlan agrees.
Victoria Brandt voted Tiger, but wants us all to know that “Kris Humphries is a transphobic ass and lowkey not even hot, boy bye.”
Outside the box thinker Ashley Chew was the rogue voter once again, with one vote for Kris.
“He couldn’t keep a girl longer than a semester and no one knows what team he plays for,” she says.
Kris Humphries:Â 1
Tiger Woods: 10
WINNER:Â Tiger Woods.
CRAZY! Tune in next week when it’s Bieber vs. Jude Law and Charlie Sheen vs. Hef.