The Fuck Girl’s Guide To Catching Feelings

Fuckboys are so last season.

Who’s to say that boys get to have all the fun? Besides, you know how to play the game better than they do (your tits are just an added bonus).

As a fuckgirl, the only thing worse than a pregnancy scare is the fear that you’re starting to catch feelings for somebody. After all the years of watching your friends chase losers, you’ve long ago sworn to be single at least until you reach 30 (or find a sexy millionaire that’s got a penchant for indie-rock).

While your friends pin wedding themes to their Pinterest boards, you swipe left on Tinder. While your friends talk your ear off about the same assholes who never treated them right, you weigh your options on who’s going to eat your pussy tonight. While your roommate searches for the perfect outfit to wear to meet her boo’s parents, you search for the perfect lingerie that you won’t be wearing for any guy in the near future.

Due to these differences, it’s only natural that you fall in love (or at least in lust) very differently than your friends who watch The Bachelor and still believe in “soulmates.” Here’s what to do to stay true to your fuckgirl ways and avoid catching feelings.

Stay True To Your Libido

For some reason that’s still foreign to me, girls tend to revert into this innocent, non-dick loving girl when they start having feelings for a dude. Perhaps they’re playing into the Madonna-Whore complex, or perhaps they’re just trying to make him work for it. Either way, it’s stupid. If you’re a bona fide nympho, you want the guy you’re feeling to know (and love) this fun little fact about you.

Don’t Be Ashamed Of Your Past

Going off of the above point, there’s no reason to hide your past hook-up history either. Sure, you don’t need to go into a detailed rendition of the time you got gang-banged in Bermuda, but you also shouldn’t have to pretend that you a) don’t like dick or b) haven’t had a lot of it. After all, he’s going to probably wonder where you learned to suck a cock like a pro

Honesty is the best policy. You don’t have to volunteer any information if you are uncomfortable bringing it up, but if he’s heard something through the grapevine and wants to confirm it with you, there’s no sense in lying. If he’s worth your time, he’ll like you for you, not the girl that you’re pretending to be.

Don’t Fight The Feeling

If you’re not used to catching feelings, the sensation might frighten you. You may freak out and completely block the person you’re feeling out of your life before he enchants you anymore than he already has. Do yourself a favor and take a deep breath. Just because you don’t normally catch feelings, doesn’t mean that you’re incapable or that you shouldn’t. In fact, you should embrace the fact that you finally found someone who makes you get the teeniest bit of butterflies, guess you aren’t heartless after all!

Fuck The “Rules”

Traditionally, you’re supposed to know someone’s last name before sleeping with them, and probably have gone on a few dates as well. But this is 2016, the whole “dating” rulebook has completely been thrown out the window, and that doesn’t bother you one bit. Since you usually prefer booty calls over dates, finding someone who you actually want to spend time with might make you reconsider the way you’ve been tearing up the dating scene (and that’s okay).

Don’t Eliminate All Other Options 

Just like a typical fuckboy, you have plenty of guys to text at 2 a.m., none of whom you have any attachment to. When you start catching feelings, you are conflicted. Do you eliminate all your other booty calls for the guy you’re crushing on? Or do you start hanging out with the other guys even more to combat your growing emotions for that “special” guy?

Don’t make any rash decisions. You shouldn’t be trying to distract yourself from falling for someone by replacing him with other guys, but you don’t need to dump your harem just because you have a little crush. Take things slow and don’t alter your current lifestyle too much. Until it’s understood that you’re both monogamous, there’s no reason to kick your loyal fuck buddy to the curb just yet.

Gimme More Dating

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