Cleanse All F*ckboys Out Of Your Life With This Recipe

When I say the word “fuckboy“, I bet a certain someone comes to your mind. If not a certain someone, maybe a group of certain someones. You’ve told yourself multiple times that you’re going to stop messing with these dudes, and even keep them in your thoughts every time you’re belting out the lyrics to “IDFWU” on a thirsty Thursday.

However, it’s harder to get rid of old fuckboys (and avoid new ones) than you thought. So, I’ve created a lovely recipe for you to do a spring cleanse to help you get rid of these pesky dudes! Forget your Blueprint Juice that makes you skinny for one week, this sh*t is the real deal.

All you’ll need is:

3 Vineyard Vines Items (pastel ones tend to give it more flavor)

1 Package Of Magnum Condoms (that fall off mid-sex)

2 Sprinkles Of The “Madonna-whore” Complex

5 Text Messages (I recommend: “Hey Stranger,” “What’s Good With You,” and “Pics?” If you don’t have any of these on hand, any text sent after 12 am will do just fine)

1 Neon Tank With The Armholes Cut Open (unevenly)

3 “Meaningful” Tattoos (fraternity letters make it extra sweet!)

1 “Broken” Cell Phone

3/4 Cup Of “Being Complicated

1/4 Cup Of Man-Child Syndrome

1 Handful Of “Crazy” Exes

galore_boy_cleanse

For Added Flavor And Nutrients, Feel Free To Garnish With:

Unwanted Dick Pics

Netflix “Dates”

Homophobic Tendencies

Diamond-Studded Earrings

Now, voila! Mix all that shit together in your blender, and drink for as long as you need until all f*ck-boys have disappeared from your life. The recommended cleanse period is two weeks, but some females may need up to six weeks.

For speedier results, delete all fuckboys’ numbers from your phone and stop posting half-naked pictures on Instagram.

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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