Guys Admit Booty Calls Aren’t Limited to Sex
In 2017, the booty call is simultaneously non-existent and lurking around every corner.
What is a booty call nowadays? Well it’s probably not an actual call. But it’s basically when someone hits you up — usually late at night — with the hopes to smash.
They generally don’t want you to stay overnight, they don’t want to take you to breakfast the next day, and they definitely don’t want to hear about your favorite band or literature or whatever.
READ ALSO: Turns Out a Lot of Guys Secretly Miss Their Exes
Even though booty calls are super common and dating these days is nontraditional, nobody wants to be a booty call. Or at the very least, not just a booty call. Like sure, maybe you’re down to go over late on Saturday nights for some head because it’s bomb, but you at least want to be invited to their next pregame or something.
If you’re a booty call, it pretty much means you’re being used — probably for sex.
But what if a guy hits you up at 2 a.m. and you don’t have sex? Does that mean he actually is in love with you and just doesn’t know how to text during daytime hours? Is it still a booty call if you don’t hook up?
In short, we’d say the answer is sorry, yes. After all, with so many other rando ways to sexually satisfy someone (nude Snapchat, anyone?) we think it’s wrong to classify a booty call as strictly sex. And, let’s not forget, people (guys especially) are so devoid of emotional contact that their version of a “booty call” may be using you for something other than just sex.
Hate to break it to you, but just because you’re holding out on sex doesn’t mean you’re not being taken advantage of. But just to be sure, we asked some dudes what they thought.
READ ALSO: What Guys Do to Show They Don’t Want a 2nd Date
First off, in this day and age, anything sexual can be considered a booty call.
“[If it’s cuddling or sexting], I still think it’s a booty call,” said David. “You’re messing [with] someone with the intent to score.”
He’s right. The idea of a booty call is using someone else for your own gratification, but even if you don’t get actual sex, it doesn’t make your intentions more pure.
Translation: don’t think that if you decline sex on a booty call, the guy is going to magically wanna date.
It’s common for girls to think that putting out on the first date (or first booty call) makes a guy “lose respect for them,” but that’s far from the case. Guys have admitted it’s a BS excuse they use to make girls feel like their shitty behavior is somehow the girl’s fault. Whether you had sex on the first date or the tenth date, the guy would probably treat you like trash eventually because he’s a douche.
The same idea can be applied to a booty call. Whether you have sex or don’t have sex doesn’t change the person’s ultimate motives or feelings for you.
READ ALSO: 10 Things Guys Will Never Tell Their Girlfriends
“Sometimes the intention can be a booty call, but it turns into a confidence booster without [anyone] getting off and that’s satisfying enough in the morning and you’re cool with it and [you] send them off,” said Charles. “A booty call can still be [me] hitting [someone] up and we [end up] both passing the fuck out.”
Ryan agreed.
“I think of a booty call as more than just cuddling,” he says. “But if it was a one time thing, like you thought you’d get some and you just cuddled, then I think it’s just a failed booty call.”
When I asked Darjuan if someone can be a booty call even if they’re not having sex, he said “yes and no.”
“Yes, because a booty call is just a phrase used for a quick fix, so it could be an emotional booty call,” he said. “[But also] no, because getting no booty can be considered just hanging out.”
READ ALSO: How To Get a Guy To Leave Post-Sex
But when does hanging out become a booty call? Because so many guys’ go-to line for a booty call is, “when are we going to hang out again?” And what exactly is an emotional booty call?
Well, like Charles mentioned above, it could just be a confidence boost. Or maybe he’s just drunk and lonely and he’s calling you because he knows you’ll answer.
The classic example is the guy who disappears and then hits you up once in a blue moon. It might be because he wants to get laid, but it might just be because he is lonely and knows you’ll make him feel good about himself because you’re still hung up on him. Or maybe he’s feeling like shit and because he can’t get emotional to his bros, he’s going to vent to you and then mysteriously “have to go” as soon as you start talking about your own problems.
Basically, guys are shit heads. If you have the feeling that you’re a booty call, you probably are. If you have a feeling that a guy is using you, he probably is. If you Google searched “how to know if you’re a booty call,” and you found this article, you’re surely a booty call. Sorry.
As David summed it up, “I think it’s a booty call even if you don’t get all the booty.”
So, the question is, if so many situations are booty calls, what isn’t a booty call?
Well, it all goes back to the original definition of someone using you. Any type of relationship should be mutually beneficial.
If you and your boy toy are having great sex and that’s all you want from the relationship, you’re gucci. But if you find that every time you hit them up wanting to get freaky they ignore you, then they expect you to grab an Uber to their place every time they text you at 4 a.m., it’s not mutually beneficial. If you find yourself wishing they would ask you how your day was and inviting you to brunch instead of just inviting you over for a 15 minute quickie, that’s not mutually beneficial. If you listen to them vent for an hour and they’re “busy” when you want to talk, that’s not mutually beneficial.
The idea of a booty call goes way beyond having sex vs. not having sex, it’s about one person using another. If the entire relationship (or lack thereof) is always on his terms, it’s time for you to bounce.
