How To Get a Guy To Leave Post-Sex
Guys love to act like girls cling onto them post-sex, but if you’ve ever gone through a hoe phase, you’re sure to have quickly realized it’s the dudes who consistently overstay their welcomes.
Sure, it’s awkward waking up a snoring shirtless bro and telling him he’s gotta go, but you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. It’s not like you’re going to leave him alone in your apartment.
Here are some fool-proof excuses to at the bare minimum get a guy to leave, and at the maximum get a guy to never call you again. Good luck!
1. My boyfriend will be here any minute!
If you’re the type of girl that consistently gets hit on by randos, you know that the #1 way to get a guy to back off is to show that there’s another guy in the picture. Sure, he’ll be a little confused, considering that you probs just had sex with him, but he’ll be too scared to stick around and get all Nancy Drew on you.
2. I have an appointment at the clinic, maybe you should come too?
Okay, maybe only use this if the sex was really bad and you never, ever want to see this loser again? But then again, it’s always a good time to get tested, why not amp up the post-sex breakfast to the post-sex clinic trip?
3. My parents are coming by…
If you’re not down to use the fake boyfriend excuse, the parental unit excuse will work wonders. Guys definitely use this one too, but it works even better when a girl uses it. After all, the only thing that scares guys more than STDs is commitment, and meeting a girl’s parents is a one-way ticket to getting tied down.
4. Can you, like, leave now?
Guys are supposed to be strong, non-emotional beings, so why sugar coat it? Just tell Justin you need him to GTFO and thank him for the dick if he deserves to be thanked.
5. Want to see my Pinterest wedding board?
Assuming your booty call is a fuckboy and emotionally unavailable wreck, this will get him putting his boxers back on before you can say “destination wedding.” The only way this could backfire is if the dude you’re dating is secretly down as fuck to be in a relationship, and then you’re going to have to awkwardly backtrack since you don’t actually have a Pinterest wedding board (unless you do, you loser).
6. Want to get breakfast?
This could go one of two ways. Either he gets scared as fuck at the idea of hanging out soberly and thinks of an excuse to dip, or he’s down and you get a free bacon, egg, and cheese. Either way is pretty legit.