What to Do When Bae’s Sex Drive Doesn’t Match Yours
Sometimes you and your bae can be perfect in every way except for when it comes to your sex drives. Maybe your boo has the sex drive of a 12-year-old boy and you’re tryna have one good fuck a week, or maybe it’s vice versa. Either way, sex is an important part of the relationship and it can feel like you’re out of sync if your sex drive is mis-matched.
A study showed that you may be able to increase your sex drive by receiving more attention from your boo, but if that doesn’t work, we talked to expert Simon Marcel Badinter, host of nationally syndicated relationship talk show “The Rendezvous with Simon and Kim” on iHeart Radio, and here are some tips to balancing out the sex drive in your relationship when you’re not on the same page.
Be Real About It
Don’t feel like you have to act like a porn star in your relationship, IRL nobody is horny all the time and you shouldn’t feel that you have to pretend to be.
“Both partners should talk openly together about the reality of their mis-matched sex drive,” explains Simon. “Calmly, without blaming or guilting each other on this issue. Remember that in all sexuality and physical attraction of any couple, there’s always a need for the timing of adaptation, of the ups and downs of each other’s desires.”
Explain to your bae that your lack of horniness has nothing to do with them and talk about how often each of you would ideally like to have sex in a week. You two can try to come up with a happy medium if possible, which will help take the pressure off of both of you. Even if you don’t, as long as you both explain openly how you’re feeling, it’ll help the issue way more than you realize.
Try Intimate Touching With No Sex
If one partner is horny all the time whereas the other is not, every intimate touch or prolonged kiss can feel like it’s leading to sex, which can kinda suck and make sex feel like an obligation. Make an effort to have touches like these that aren’t leading anywhere. Remember when you were young and you and your high school boo would just make out for hours without doing anything else? Try that.
“When there is a time when one parter wants to have sex more than the other, then you can both focus on and enjoy tenderness more, as it is often the wonderful prelude to making out and having sex,” explains Simon. “Tenderness can stimulate and ignite the flame of desire again in the relationship, and to create a wonderful physical bond that will help the couple regain their desire for each other and their sex drive.”
Try Mutual Masturbation
If you’re horny but your bae isn’t in the mood, try having them watch you masturbate and potentially help you out by talking dirty or touching you while you touch yourself. It’ll help you get the release you need without getting them too involved or making them do something they don’t want to. Plus, watching you turn yourself on just might turn them on enough to change their mind.
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you suddenly need to stop masturbating. In fact, studies have shown that taking the time to masturbate alone in your relationship helps your sex life from getting too dull. If your sex drive is higher than your bae’s, DIY it and masturbate so that you can stay on the same page. If the opposite is the case, make sure they masturbate on their own time so you don’t feel pressured to be DTF 24/7.