Should I Leave My High School Boyfriend For College?
Graduating high school is a momentous (and sometimes scary) time for everybody. You’re about to say goodbye to the friends you’ve been with for most of your life, you might be moving away from home for the first time, and you’re beginning an entirely new chapter of your life. While most of this is exciting to us, there are some things that can be tough. One of those things is your high school relationship.
Why is it that we hardly hear of people in our generation who got married after being “high school sweethearts?” Because times have changed.
You went to prom together, you know each other’s family like your own, he was the first guy you said “I love you” to. But next year, you’re going to be living in completely different states. So what do you do? Although it’s hard to think about right now, it’s better to start planning things before you’re relying on a Skype connection in a shitty dorm room to talk to each other. “Waiting and seeing what happens” only works in Nicholas Sparks’ movies. Here are your options:
You Stay Together – In a Long Distance Relationship
There are many things about long distance relationships that are actually awesome. You are always super excited to see each other when you get the chance, you get to do cute things like send letters and care packages to each other, and it’s nearly impossible to get sick of each other. However, there are a lot of things in long distance relationships that completely suck. First off, you’re forever horny (not to mention that it’s going to be hard to masturbate in a shared dorm room). Secondly, it’s very easy to get jealous and worry when you have no control over where, what, or who your boyfriend is doing. Thirdly, it’s very easy to hold yourself back in situations subconsciously because of a long distance boyfriend. I know guys who have coerced girlfriends to drop out of joining a sorority. And personally, I know that my freshman year I would not let loose as much because at the end of the night my boyfriend would want me to call him to let him know I got home safe.
You Have An “Open Relationship”
Open relationships are one of those things that are great in theory and horrible in practice. When I went off to school, my boyfriend wanted to stay together and I thought it would be best to end things, so we compromised on having an open relationship. Although we decided that there would be “no sex,” I wanted a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy while he did not. What it resulted in was him constantly asking me if I hooked up with anyone, and me feeling guilty about wanting to hook up with someone else and not wanting to lie to him. Eventually, when I did meet another guy I was into, it made me realize that I couldn’t keep this up with my boyfriend, so I ended things. My friend who had a similar agreement with her high school boyfriend found out that he had been sleeping with a slew of girls at school WITHOUT A CONDOM while still having sex with her on weekends when he would visit. Needless to say, she was heartbroken (and pissed).
You Break Up, But Stay Friends
If you say you’re “friends” with your ex, I don’t believe you (unless you broke up a REALLY long time ago). You can’t just go from loving and f***ing somebody to saying “hey bud, what’s up?” If you try to “stay friends” with your ex when you go off to school, you’re inevitably going to end up dating again. Believe me, I’ve seen it happen multiple times. Even if you don’t have “the label” you’re still probably going to be relying on your ex for everything he did when you were “officially dating.” Besides, you tell your friends about your latest hook up, and there’s no way you could confide that info to your ex boyfriend like that. Your “just friends” act isn’t fooling anyone and it’s not going to change anything.
You Break It Off Completely
This is one of those decisions where the phrase “sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same” applies. It’s hard to imagine a life without the guy who’s been with your side through everything. But, no matter what you think, you’re not the same girl you were when you started dating this guy, and you certainly won’t be after your first year in college. You’re growing up, and while that brings changes, it also allows for growth. Although it’s a painful decision to make, you would ultimately be better off breaking it off on a peaceful note and mutual agreement rather than over the phone after a drunk fight or an accidental cheating incident. What’s meant to be will come together in the end, and if he’s really the guy for you, he’ll understand that you need time alone to grow into the person you want to be (and maybe have a year or two to be a crazy college girl).
Ultimately, an article like this isn’t going to change your heart or your mind. I know girls who have stayed with their boyfriends since high school and are still going strong (at least from what I can see on Facebook), and I also know girls who cheat on their high school boyfriends every weekend with a different guy. You know yourself, and if you don’t, you’ve got four more years of schooling to figure it out. Personally, while my high school boyfriend taught me many important lessons (along with being great in bed and an overall sweetheart), I know that I am not the type of person who wanted to be tied down in such an important time like college. Because I chose to be on my own; I branched out more, made some girl friends who will be with me for life, and spent the last six months in New York working for the magazine that I used to buy at the campus coffee shop. He might feel like your everything right now, but nothing lasts forever. You don’t want to be the girl who’s always running home to her boyfriend while her friends are out having fun. Whether you believe me or not, I promise you’re a boss ass bitch who is going to do just fine on her own.