The 7 Insecurities Men Hide From Women
It’s no secret that everybody has insecurities in their romantic relationships. The difference is that while women generally confide theirs to their partner, a friend, or a family member, many dudes tend to keep them bottled up inside where they can potentially lead to larger problems.
Author Sheri E. Ragland decided to research men’s insecurities for herself and find the cause of the major insecurities, plus how to fix them. In her book, Seven Deep Insecurities Men Don’t Want Women to Know, she reveals her in-depth research and insight into men’s deepest thoughts. Check out the top seven insecurities that men hide below, and see how many you’ve picked up on in your own relationships.
1. Negative Thoughts
In Ragland’s research, she found that 40% of men chose negative thoughts as their number one insecurity in their relationship. Most of these negative thoughts had to do with something that happened in their past, such as a rough childhood or cheating in a previous relationship.
“These problems can include abuse, lack of love, control, temper tantrums, accusing, provoking, lack of respect, and others,” explains Ragland.
Although we all have negative thoughts, 25% of men surveyed said that they do not discuss these thoughts with their partner. Honestly, that’s a smaller percentage than we thought, since most dudes clam up at the sign of an emotional conversation. Either way, it’s good to know that we’re not the only gender subjected to overthinking.
“The shifting roles of men and women in relationships have complicated the meaning of manhood,” says Ragland. “Societal influences include but are not limited to the emergence of feminism, a rise in the level of education and income for women, and changing roles of men and women.”
We’ve explored how men are rude to women that they are intimidated by in the office, and this appears to be similar in relationships. Sadly, dudes can’t seem to let go of their egos and fragile masculinity to allow for a healthy relationship where their girlfriend makes more money, has a better degree, or has a more prestigious job.
If you can find a dude who understands that his worth isn’t determined by the size of his penis or his paycheck, you’ve got yourself a winner. Unfortunately, most dudes have some sort of masculinity complex that you’re going to have to deal with.
3. Lack of Open-Mindedness
Honestly, at least dudes admitted that they’re stubborn as hell. Ragland cites a situation in which a man felt the need to constantly give critical directions to his girlfriend when she was driving. Backseat drivers are the worst, and although the dude thought he was doing it out of care and concern, his girl got defensive in return because she felt attacked.
“Open-mindedness is best for all relationships; it requires putting aside pride when discussing matters and considering differences, which could strengthen a relationship,” says Ragland. “Couples should value one another’s opinions as equal partners in their relationship.”
If you feel like your partner is always telling you what to do but never listening to your advice, say something. Communication is key in any and all relationships and your man is never going to get over his stubbornness unless you do something about it.
4. Low Self-Esteem
As we saw with the newly released “average” Ken doll, women aren’t the only ones held up to unrealistic standards in society. Ragland describes men with low self esteem as presenting themselves as “people in charge, always right, emotional, easily provoked, temperamental, and quick to blame.” As you can imagine, these men seek out partners with low self esteem as well, which generally leads to an unhealthy relationship.
Ragland says you can work with your partner with low self esteem by making “your partner or spouse feel important in a respectful manner,” but honestly you should be wary of dating a super insecure guy in the first place. As the old adage goes, someone should love themselves before expecting someone else to love them. Dating an insecure guy is even worse than dating a cocky one. It’s not your job to fix him.
5. Making Less Money Than Their Partner
Men really can’t get over a woman that makes more money than them, is this why we’re still suffering from an unfair wage gap? So that men don’t get their feelings hurt?
Either way, men really need to get over this one. Not that we’re not looking for a rich daddy who spoils us, but if we wanna be the bread winner he’s just going to have to deal with it.
6. Sexual Performance Issues
You didn’t think we’d get through this list without talking about performance issues, did you? Most men who listed this as a top insecurity admitted that they have trouble discussing this with their partners.
However, Ragland was still surprised that this insecurity didn’t make the list earlier. She contributed this to the fact that most of her survey respondents were under 50 years old, many did not list stress as a factor in their lives, and many who had previously had performance issues had resolved them.
The previously listed lack of open-mindedness goes hand in hand with pride. “Interviewees identified the ‘I am right and you are wrong’ attitude as another key challenge when dealing with pride,” says Ragland.
Fuck, I sympathize with the dudes who have insecurities and shit, but could they not be so god damn predictable? “Prideful men often find fault with their partners when they have difficulty addressing their personal issues, and this can lead to problems in the relationship.” Honestly, this description brings a clear as day image of my ex in my head, so hell yeah Sheri Ragland, you hit the nail on the head with this list.