How To Embrace Uncertainty & Stop Overthinking Your Relationship
As a millennial, you never really know what the hell is going on in your life and/or future. Are you going to find a job after college? Is Donald Trump going to become our president? Are you going to start drinking before 5 pm today? The questions (and possible answers) are endless. With so many unanswered questions running through our minds daily, you would think that we’ve become accustomed to uncertainty throughout all aspects of our life and that we would have become comfortable with “living in the moment,” right? Wrong.
I think that most of us can agree that one of the most horrifying emotions we experience on a daily basis is wondering what’s going to happen to our current relationship, especially as women. Rather than enjoying the “getting to know you” and/or “honeymoon” phase of a relationship, we find ourselves wondering about the future… Will he invite us home for Thanksgiving in three months? Are we going to become one of those lame couples that stay in on weekends? Is he going to screw me over once things start getting serious like our last fling did?
As much as our friends tell us (and we tell ourselves) to “chill out” and live in the moment, we can’t help but lie awake at night wishing that we owned a crystal ball that would tell us if this guy was worth our time. In the most extreme cases, overthinking can ruin your relationship before it even begins. So how do we stop ourselves from delving too deeply into our own minds before giving our new relationship a chance to blossom?
Stop Denying It
Just like any other problem, you can’t solve anything until you admit that there is a problem in the first place. If you find yourself withdrawing from your current relationship because you “don’t know where things are going,” acknowledge it and accept it. As much as you may want to pull a That’s So Raven and see the future, just remember that her powers never really worked out in her favor anyways. You need to accept that uncertainty is a part of life, and without it, you would never feel the sensation of being pleasantly surprised.
Encourage Uncertainties In Other Aspects Of Your Relationship
It’s likely that what is troubling you is thinking about where you see you and your man in x amount of time. Instead of focusing your uncertainty on that, focus it on another part of your relationship. If you two always go to the same restaurants, change it up. If you spend most of your time Netflix and chilling, plan something completely unexpected–and actually leave the house. If you push yourself out of your comfort zone with your partner, you will feel uncertainty together rather that you keeping all of your worries/thoughts to yourself for fear of seeming “crazy.”
Stop Being Afraid Of Heartbreak
This is obviously easier said than done. If you’ve had your heart broken before, you never want to go through that experience again. If you haven’t, you’ve heard horrible stories and cross your fingers that you’ll remain unscathed. The thing is, being afraid of heartbreak is the same as being afraid of failure. You can avoid failure, but you’ll simultaneously avoid success. If you never try, you’ll never know. Being attachment and emotion free can be less of a headache, but it can also be pretty damn lonely.