The 7 Types Of Fuckboys You’ll Meet This Summer
Sure, a couple of “lucky” ladies might’ve tied down a player for the winter months while fuckboys were too cold to go outside, but now that the suns out, fuckboys are running wild.
Chances are, if you’re single, you’ll run into at least 3 (or 100) fuckboys this summer. And there are so many summer varieties of fuckboys for you to meet that you could actually get hit on by a different one every time. Here’s who/what you might find:
1. The Surfer Bro
What’s not to love about a dude with ripped upper body muscles and a perfect tan that’s constantly scented like coconut? Oh yeah, the fact that he never has his phone and he doesn’t believe in labels.
Obviously, he’s way too “chill” to ever have a girlfriend. Not to mention the fact that he’s constantly traveling to foreign islands to catch some “sick waves” with fellow surfer chicks that all look super hot in a bikini.
Like skater boys, dating a surfer was a lot cooler when you were 13 years old and could buy the shirts from Delia’s that said “I <3 Surfer Boys.” Unfortunately, now you’re ready for a dude who acts like a grown up.
2. The Guy Who Claims He Has a Yacht
This guy’s Tinder profile picture is probably him holding a wad of 100 dollar bills. When you meet him out, he can’t stop talking about how he’s such a “big deal” and how there was a NYT article written about him. He tries to win you over with lines like “maybe I’ll take you out on my yacht sometime,” or “we would have so much fun in The Hamptons together.” These lame ass lines almost work, because who doesn’t need a sugar daddy these days? Then again, he’s honestly so obsessed with himself that you don’t know if you could handle him.
When he goes to valet, the driver returns with a beat up Honda Civic, then you go back to his place to see that his apartment is even smaller than yours… as if that’s possible. Guess that’s what happens when he tries to impress girls by buying bottles of Möet at the club every weekend.
PS: He definitely doesn’t have a yacht.
3. The Guy Who’s Only “In Town For The Week”
That whole “vacation boyfriend” idea was a lot more fun when you saw it in a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie. In real life, it kind of blows to fall in love with a guy for a week only to realize you’re never going to see him again.
The only thing worse is when you meet a guy who actually resides in your area, but who’s constantly “out of town” for weeks at a time. Unless he’s a CIA agent with a secret agenda to kill ISIS, his travels are more likely just him scamming on another chick.
Remember that scene in He’s Just Not That Into You where the main character hears the guy she’s making out with say that he’ll be “out of town” for a few weeks with “no phone.” Yeah, just like Ginnifer Goodwin did, you should run.
4. The Dude Who Secretly Works At An Ice Cream Truck
Meeting a cute guy while living at the beach with your parents for the summer is fun until you realize that he’s 17 and drives an ice cream truck.
Fuck, high schoolers must be looking older these days, and they’re really fucking good at lying. You honestly might debate pulling a J.Lo and going full cougar mode for a second, but then you’ll realize that no guy who lies that like that deserves your attention.
5. The Lifeguard
No offense, but summer lifeguards are lords of the douches. First off, they all roll around in this “blonde-tourage” of bleached hair and tanned torsos. Secondly, they have this weird hierarchy of pool vs. beach lifeguards that’s reminiscent of fraternity pledging.
Maybe for a second you think it’s “romantic” that your bae can save you from the ocean and you’ll have some wannabe Titanic love affair, but in reality, you’re probably the 10th girl that he’s cat-called from his lifeguard stand today.
6. The Guy Who “Banged 50 Girls On a Cruise”
What are you, 13? We all know that saying you fucked a girl on a cruise or on your spring break trip (with your parents) to Europe is the equivalent of saying “I’m an insecure virgin that’s trying to seem cool.”
Not to mention, if he’s in fact over the age of 13, he’s not going to get girls by admitting to being a man whore. Please dude, just stop.
7. The Guy Who’s A Wannabe Wolf of Wall Street
Maybe he has a rich daddy that works at J.P. Morgan, but he’s probably tweeting about “getting that paper” when all he does is get people coffee 10 times a day and take Snapchats behind his desk.
A guy who talks about about the “9-5” life and brags about his Brooks Brothers suit won’t impress us ladies. Especially because us ladies are probably working three summer internships that we scored on our own.