How I Used Tinder to Make Guys Compete Over Me Bachelorette-Style
As much as you may laugh and/or cry at the ridiculousness of The Bachelorette, you can’t deny that the idea of having 26 hot guys fight over you while traveling to exotic locations sounds fun. I mean, what girl doesn’t like feeling wanted while simultaneously having an excuse to make-out with like, ten different dudes in a week?
Unfortunately, you can’t be the bachelorette unless you compete on The Bachelor, which means quitting your job as a cat-lover (or dancer, or sorority girl) and publicly humiliating yourself on national television.
Instead, you can make your very own Bachelorette-style competition. All you need is Tinder. Check out what one of our readers did to find a last minute date, as told to Ashley Uzer. Not saying it ended well, but hey, it’s a fun story…
I had a sorority date party coming up, and nobody to take. The last long-term fuck buddy I had became way too clingy, and every guy I’ve hooked up with since hasn’t exactly been bae material. So, I did what any single 20-something year old would do and turned to Tinder.
It started off as a joke, but quickly snow-balled into something serious. I edited my Tinder bio, writing “Looking for a guy to go with to my date party this Friday. If interested send me 3 reasons why I should take you (champagne emoji).”
The first option seemed to think I was on a sugar daddy site instead of Tinder. I found it a bit offensive that he was suggesting I couldn’t buy my own outfit or drinks, so if he wanted to play the rich-guy part, then I decided to fuck with him and send him some ridiculously expensive shit.
After a couple of more messages, I decided I wasn’t interested in a guy who thought he needed to buy me, so I moved on. Not sure if he did though…
This guy seemed somewhat promising at first, but then tried to turn the tables and make me fight for him, boy bye.
Obviously, some boys didn’t understand the “rules” of my bachelorette game. Sorry Zach, I’m not looking for a normal date.
All the guys were very humble… obviously.
Although I began this Tinder-style-bachelorette game as a joke, I quickly realized that I may as well just take someone from Tinder to the date party, because if nothing else, it would be a good story.
In the end, I decided to take a guy that didn’t even give me three reasons off of the bat. We had a normal conversation before he asked if I was still looking for a date to the party, plus he seemed cultured and looked hot in his pictures. We had a mutual Facebook friend which happened to be one of my sorority sisters. I asked her about him and she went on and on about how great he was and what a fun date he would be.
First of all, I was supposed to meet him at a pregame, but I accidentally took a nap and was late. He thought I was ditching him, but I just told him to meet me at the bar. I got ready in 30 minutes, and went.
When I got there, my friends were already there, but my date wasn’t, he didn’t arrive for another hour. When he did arrive, I texted him and told him to come outside to the bar, but he told me he was inside getting a drink. I went inside with my friend to look for him, as soon as I saw him I was like, “fuck, definitely not what I expected to see.”
There’s this huge man with khaki pants and a white over-sized button-up. I couldn’t tell if he was dadbod or ripped because his clothes were so big. He also had really bad skin. We were talking, but it was boring. We decided to go to another bar and at that point I had already decided that I was not into him. All my friends didn’t bring dates so they shared an Uber and I was stuck with my date because we didn’t fit in the car. He kept standing there and staring at me and waiting for me to call an Uber, so I did.
We got to the bar and he didn’t pay my cover. I didn’t want to pay for another drink for myself (I already had at the first bar), but he asked what I was ordering and I assumed he was finally going to pay for something, so I said gin and tonic. The bartender goes over and asks for my order, which I give. Then, the bartender asks if we’re together and my date says “no!”
My date orders two beers for himself (keep in mind this is a nice bar not a college bar). He starts socializing with some other guys so I start trying to break away, but naturally as soon as I go to the dance-floor he follows me. As we’re leaving, my friend and her guy friend wanted to go get pizza. I asked if my date was going home and he said, “No, I’ll come get pizza with you,” even though I tried to convince him the pizza place was too far from the bar.
My friend ordered pizza and her guy friend paid for it. I ordered for myself, obviously not expecting him to pay for it at this point. He then asked if I had Venmo as if I was going to buy him pizza and I said no, even though I do. I got the pizza to-go because I didn’t want to be with him for a second longer. He decided to walk me home although I tried to convince him not to. At the bottom of my steps I ask if he’s ordering an Uber and he says, “I don’t know.” He goes for a kiss and I swerve away. The next morning he texts me this:
Alright, what kind of idiot locks himself out? Did he not bring keys because he thought he was going to stay over at my place? He clearly didn’t realize that he didn’t “receive a rose,” because he is still texting me asking if I want to go out again sometime.
Now I know why The Bachelorette always winds up with idiots, it’s hard to judge a guy based on some bullshit facts and an unrealistic photo! Maybe you’ll have better luck than I did?
