Why Guys With Dogs Are Actually The Worst
If you were one of the many people who downloaded a new dating app this month, you probably noticed that every guy has a picture with a dog.
Weird coincidence? Or creepy attempts to get more matches? Def the second.
While you might love dogs or think that guys with pups are affectionate and responsible, I’d beg to differ. In fact, guys with dogs are kind of the worst. Here’s why.
1. They Use Their Dogs To Look Innocent
One study study proved that even if a dude exhibits non-bae qualities, like wearing a wife-beater, fucking all your friends, or working at Chipotle; if he has a dog you may still see him as someone worthy of your time.
Researchers studied this by telling 100 Israeli women short stories about men and having them rate the men on attractiveness. Some of the men were made to have “cad-like” qualities (cheaters, aggressors, etc.), while the others were made to have “dad-like” qualities (hard worker, paternal, etc.). The researchers found that the men with cad-like qualities who had dogs managed to score higher ratings than the dad-like men who didn’t have dogs.
So basically, even if a guy is a total fuckboy, by having a dog he can totally kill that impression and make himself appear “nurturing” and “capable of making long-term commitments.”
What does this mean? None of us are safe.
2. They Also Use Their Dogs To Get Laid
I don’t care how much of a dog lover a dude claims to be, he’s lying to himself if he claims that he didn’t ever consider how much better his sex life would get once he got a dog.
In fact, guys were more than twice as likely to admit that they’ve used a pet to lure a potential date in comparison to women, according to a study.
I mean, all he has to do is take a walk in the park with his pup and watch the ladies swarm all over him. Sure, they’re probs paying more attention to his dog than him, but he’ll def score a number or two out of it.
3. His Dog Has a Mental Reel of all His Past Hook-ups
If you’ve ever felt weirded out that your current booty call let his dog in the room while you two fucked, you’re totally justified. Turns out that dogs remember and understand a lot more than we thought they did, according to a study. Translation: his dog might have vivid memories of you two banging doggy style, plus all the other girls he’s brought home.
4. Dudes With Cats Might Be Kinkier
If a guy’s not a dog man, he might be a cat man. Or, my personal favorite, the non-animal-obsessed man.
But, if you need a reason to swipe right on a dude with a cat rather than a dude with a dog, a recent study correlated owning a cat to being more into BDSM. The effects aren’t super common, but they are out there. So, the more you know.
5. He’ll Probs Put His Dog Over You
Okay, let’s be real for a second. Guys are obsessed with dogs because dogs never nag them, they never ask them to clean their room, they never tell them to stop getting drunk on Monday afternoons and to get their life together.
And when the going gets tough, his dog is always going to be prioritized over you. He might like your perky butt and the way you scratch his back, but at the end of the day, he’s choosing the animal who poops on his floor first, because it can’t tell him what an asshole he is. Sorry!