What It Really Means When Your Ex Drunk Texts You

It’s 2 a.m., and your phone is about to buzz off your nightstand.

Your ex has texted you three times already. That’s a triple mother-fucking text! Sure, it’s a little incoherent, but the message is clear: he wants you badly.

Score one for you, right? You thought you and your ex were dunzo forever, but he clearly still cares about you and probably wants to get back together, right? It’s going to be like Big and Carrie, or like Chuck and Blair, right?

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No. No, it’s not.

There is no camera rolling in the background, and it’s highly unlikely you’re an established journalist who can afford to live in an NYC brownstone.

Your ex drunk texting you does not mean he wants you back. In fact, I’d argue it doesn’t even necessarily mean he misses you, sorry.

Let’s look at it this way, have you ever made a mistake while you were drunk? If you’re a normal adult–or even a teenager, I’d be shocked if you haven’t. Sometimes it’s a mistake you secretly wanted to do in person, like slapping your frenemy or hitting on that dude you’ve crushed on for months now. But sometimes your drunk alter-ego does shit that the IRL you would never, ever do in person. Like, you’re appalled at the shit your drunken evil twin does.

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And sometimes, even if you don’t totally regret what you do when you’re drunk, you admit you wouldn’t have done it soberly.

If your ex wanted to get back together, or even meet up for “closure” (which is B.S. btw), he would text you soberly. If he’s texting you while he’s drunk, it’s likely due to one of the below reasons.

1. He’s Horny

Guys would literally fuck anything when they’re drunk. You were once his go-to, and his drunken self probably doesn’t realize you’re no longer his girl. Or, he does realize, but still thinks you’re DTF and he can get away with it. Don’t let him!

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2. He Misses You – But Can’t Admit It Soberly

Maybe he does miss you, but don’t get too excited. If he can’t admit it soberly, he clearly is the type of dude who isn’t in touch with his emotions, and will just be a headache for you. Or maybe he misses the sex, or misses the idea of you, or misses someone to take care of his ass when he’s blacked out. Maybe he wishes you two could be together, but knows you were bad for each other, so his sober self stays away. Whatever it is, don’t mess with it.

3. He Doesn’t Know WTF He Wants

Guys love to say they’re “complicated,” but what it really means is they want an excuse to lead a bunch of girls on and not feel bad about it. He might be confused about how he feels about you, and will shoot out a drunk text late on Saturday to see what you respond and see if he can still play with your emotions. Hard pass.

4. He Has No Control Over His Body

There’s not always an explanation for drunken actions, sometimes shit just happens and you regret it the next morning. Don’t spend your life wondering why your ex texted you and then didn’t respond to your sober messages, and don’t get hopeful. Remember when you told yourself drunk calories don’t count? Well drunk texts from an ex don’t count either, sorry.

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