What Your Post Break-Up Instagram Caption Says About You
Even though nobody in their right mind still gets Facebook official with a bae, it’s still pretty obvious when someone is going through a breakup from their social media.
First, a girl starts dressing thottier because she’s no longer dating some loser who tells her what she can and can’t wear. Second, people start posting more sexy pics or selfies in general because a quick confidence boost feels damn good after a bad breakup.
People also post embarrassing-ass captions that don’t explicitly say “fuck you, I’m still not over you,” but might as well. Here’s what someone’s post-break up caption says about them.
1. So over boys, the only man I’ll ever need in my life is my puppy, Roscoe. #singleforever #crazydoglady.
Men are dogs, so I don’t really see the difference here. This is the type of person who used to get “married” to their BFF on Facebook to make themselves feel better about being single. I’m sure your dog is great and fluffy or whatever, but your obsession with “replacing” your ex (even if it’s with a furry animal), proves that you’re clearly not over him and you need to love yourself instead of searching Tinder for a dude with a cute puppy!
Someone once said that you can tell how bad someone’s last breakup was by seeing how intensely they sing along with “IDFWU” in the club, and they’re totally right. If someone uses this caption you know it was a bad breakup and they’re definitely not staying friends with their ex. They’ll also probably trash talk their ex to everyone who will listen, because they’re mature like that.
3. “Guess I should say thank you
For the hate yous and the tattoos
Oh baby, I’m cool by the way
Ain’t sure I loved you anyway.” – Little Mix
This is the ultimate heartbroken sad girl. She’s so heartbroken that she doesn’t realize how embarrassing it is to write a full on lyrical caption like this from a super popular song with quotation marks and attribution. She’s probably only had one real relationship in her life and will talk about it for the rest of her days until she gets a new boyfriend. Have fun with that.
4. I’m just stuntin’ on my ex, bitch.
This caption is most definitely accompanied by a sexy pic of a girl all done up and probably leaving for the club in 30 minutes after taking shots with her girls. They say laughter is the best medicine, but drinking champagne and warding off creepy finance bros is the medicine that most NYC gals go for after a breakup. But the thing is, the girl using this caption was probably never actually dating her “ex,” it was definitely more of a casual thing. Woops. Oh well, you do you girl.
5. ~ never again ~
Okay, Kelly Clarkson. Too bad you’re probably just going to get turnt off margaritas and drunk booty call text your ex on Saturday night.
6. Some women just aren’t meant to be tamed
This girl is all aboard the “guys are intimidated by me” train. Granted, guys definitely do get intimidated by girls, but if a girl has to explicitly say this about herself, chances are she’s just trying to make herself feel better about being single. She also probably did some deeply un-chill shit in the “relationship” (which probably wasn’t an official relationship), like flirting with his friend when he wouldn’t pay attention to her.
7. Love my girls <3
Every girl needs a circle of friends to get through a breakup, and this one is definitely the type to hit up her girls hard after a relationship fail. She can’t be alone after a breakup or she’ll start thinking of her ex, so instead she’s started piggy backing on legit every single one of her friends’ plans and making them stay out until 4 a.m. with her on the weekends.
8. Had the craziest day at work, but still made time to run six miles this evening and then whipped up a healthy vegan stir fry. The weekday grind never stops.
The best revenge on your ex is living a great life without them, but you’re trying way too hard. Don’t turn into one of those annoying healthy, busy people that want everyone to know how perfect (but stressful) their life is. Do all those healthy, “grinding” things, but stop feeling the need to share them with the world.
9. Pizza will always be my #1 bae
Ugh. This is possibly even worse than trying to substitute your dog for your lack of significant other. This is the girl who posts bikini pics looking perfect and overcompensates by trying to broadcast her obsession with food to convince people she eats. She’s also calling her pizza bae to overcompensate for the fact she feels bad about being single.
As you can probably see, no Instagram caption referencing your ex is a good look. Even captions that don’t directly reference your ex after a break-up are still not a good look. Maybe that’s because after a break up, the best thing you can do is focus on the right now. Sure, getting a bunch of comments from dudes when you post a sexy pic is a high after a breakup, but it’s not a long-term solution.
Instead of taking hawt selfies after a breakup, focus on having fun, nurture the good relationships you have (like those BFFs we mentioned earlier), and love yourself. To clarify, loving yourself doesn’t just mean posting a pic with a caption about loving yourself, okay?
Breakups are tough, you’ll be gucci, but pretending to be gucci on social media isn’t really going to help you do anything but look more pathetic. Stay strong bb and show that loser what he’s missing IRL.