Amber Rose’s sex therapist schooled us on self-pleasure
Two weeks ago, we got the exciting opportunity to attend the Sex Expo, hosted this year in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, to talk to sex therapist Dr. Chris Donaghue.
Not only does he run his own private practice in L.A, but he also hosts the weekly podcast Loveline, with Amber Rose, who just hosted her third annual slut walk this weekend.
Leading the @slutwalk_la with my work wife @amberrose #slutwalk2017 #amberrose
Dr. Chris and Amber walking the slut walk together.
Bewildered with three gift bags full of products I had no clue how to use, I thought about how there still remains a disgusting stigma revolving female masturbation. This infographic shows how much more common daily masturbation is for men than it is for women. I had a chat with Dr. Chris, for first-time advice on exploring the world of masturbation.
“We’re in a really difficult political climate and we’re in a time of female disempowerment, and sex I believe is a powerful and radical weapon of feminism and sparks a larger conversation about body positivity,” he said. This is the main focus in his practice.
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Before you even touch a sex toy, evaluate how the media you’re surrounded by influences your self-image.
“Anyone who’s starting out in the world of masturbation and toys should stop following media that is body negative, or all about thinspo,” Dr. Chris said.
He works with many clients who admit the reason they struggle with their sexuality is because the images they consume have convinced them their bodies are undesirable.
Use Instagram for healthy inspiration, instead.
“The things you surround yourself with internalize who you want to become,” he said. Instead of scrolling through vegan meal plan pages and stalking the Victoria’s Secret Angels, follow body positive feminists instead.
Not only will you feel better, but the influence will better guide you through your own body discovery. In regards to sexual awakening, all of these things support or dilute each other.
Also cut out the negative influences IRL.
“It’s all about language, so really start to pay attention to how you and those around you talk about sex and other bodies,” he said.
Do your friends still slut shame? Do you guys still talk about certain bodies as being undesirable or illegitimate? You should probz quit it, because not only is it rude, but it could be hampering your own self-pleasure and you don’t even realize it.
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Once you’ve cut out all the sh*t, prioritize.
“You have to tell yourself that you want to make masturbation something that’s a part of your life, and in order to do that, you should do some research with different articles,” he said. Setting aside time for this reinforces its importance.
Make masturbation a conversation.
“Talk about it. Not talking about something just shows shame and guilt,” Dr. Chris said.
Talking about masturbation publicly destructs its stigma. You’ll feel more comfortable doing it its becomes something you’re not trying to hide from others.
With that being said, go all out.
“I’m a huge fan of going to an actual sex shop,” Dr. Chris advised. “You can order something quickly and discreet online but that’s reinforcing the idea that it should be quick or discreet.”
When you strut into your local sex boutique, your mere presence shows that you’re on a journey to discover your own sexuality. And you don’t care if someone sees you walking in or out of there.
You don’t have to google all the information you need to know.
“The really high end sex boutiques have high trained staff that can explain what the different curves and additional components mean, and the difference between certain plastics vs. natural materials,” Dr. Chris said. “They can talk about what kind of lube you need to use with each product, because certain oils can erode different plastics, and educate you cleaning practices.”
Use all five of your senses. Touch them, see them, hold them… just don’t taste them until you’ve bought them (if at all).
His recommended sex shop is…
“I send my clients to Pleasure Chest because have a really great educated staff, and everyone there has gone through training. It’s a beautiful, huge, clean space,” he said.
For all of you bi-coastal babes, they have locations in LA and NYC.
Make it a girls’ day out.
“Take friends with you. Don’t go in there nervous and giggling, go in there confident,” Dr. Chris said.
Make a pact with your friends, and agree to take it seriously. Explain to them that you guys are there to look at things, talk to people, ask questions, and if you’re ready, purchase something.
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Now that you and your friends are educated and prepared, it’s time to introduce your partner.
“The act of talking to your partner about the fact that you have a sex toy and want to use it together, is not only a sign of intimacy but its a sign of care and trust,” Dr. Chris said.
A sponsor of the Sex Expo, TENGA conducted a recent survey which brought the attention to a concerning outcome: most people aren’t talking to their significant others about masturbation. If you’re hiding the discussion from your partner, you’re holding back parts of your sexuality. For women, this reinforces the shame and guilt that we are expected to hold with our sexual desires.
Sex toys from TENGA that Dr. Chris recommends
Be straightforward.
“Confidently tell them that you want them to know more about you,” Dr. Chris said.
You should be specific, and express to them that you want to make make your masturbation something that’s part of the relationship. If you have healthy partner, they’ll be glad to partake in it.
Most importantly, we live in a misogynistic political climate, where the sexual freedom of women is being threatened. Dr. Chris believes that sex is one of the most powerful, radical weapons of the revolution towards gender equality and body positivity.
