Karma Got Revenge On My Ex In The Ballsiest Way Possible
No matter how “peacefully” you ended your last relationship, nobody minds getting a little bit of revenge on your ex. Maybe you want to slash his tires and carve the word “cheater” into his leather seat a la Carrie Underwood, or maybe you simply just want to see him downgrade.
For Heather*, 19, karma did the job for her. After a controlling and upsetting relationship with her ex, Heather bounced and let karma hit her shitty ex where it hurts– in the balls. Here’s her story, as told to Ashley Uzer.
So, he was 24 for starters, so the age difference was kind of weird on his part – I was only 18. He constantly lied to me and made me feel like I was always doing something wrong when really he was the problem in the relationship. He would try to make me feel like I needed him and that I was lucky to have someone older looking out for me.
After we got in a fight one day, he booked a trip to Panama City, Florida, for spring break with his friends without telling me. That break I was getting surgery and he didn’t even care. He was drunk the whole time and ignored me. I later found out that he cheated on me while he was there… He also broke a rib while there because he looked down at his phone while walking to ignore my call and ate shit (karma’s first attack on him).
When he got back from his trip he dumped me for “being clingy.” A week or so later I met my current boyfriend and we started hanging out a lot. My ex saw pictures of me at [my sorority] formal with him and that’s when he started asking for me back. He’s still mad that I moved on so fast.
Me and my my ex had been broken up for about two months now. By that point, he still wanted me back and I had already started hooking up with my new boyfriend and just wanted him to go away. The night before my birthday he was bombing my phone telling me he was in the hospital and that he wanted to talk to me. I ignored him all day, it wasn’t until midnight and he called me that I finally spoke to him. He told me how much he still loved me and how he fucked up, blah, blah, blah. I wanted nothing to do with it. Then, he began talking about why he was in the hospital.
He told me he had been chasing his nephew around by the pool earlier in the day and he slipped and fell into a split position and hit his dick on the side of the pool. His balls swelled up so big that they needed to perform surgery to get the swelling to go down. Turns out, they needed to remove 1/3 of his ball, otherwise the swelling wouldn’t have gone down and he would’ve lost circulation to his balls and possibly lost them both. He was kind enough to send me a dick pic of his disgusting swollen dick and said “don’t worry it’ll still be big.”
After that day, I didn’t speak to him for a long time. About a month later, he kept bugging me while I was working. I just wanted him to go away, but he wouldn’t. To make him go away I texted him saying I was busy with a guy and to leave me alone. His response was, “Oh, no worries, I’ll let you get some… I’ve been having lots of a sex since my surgery, turns out girls still love my dick.”
Now, whenever he tries to contact me I just ask him how his mini ball is. It’s safe to say karma got the best of him.