6 gifts to get your BF’s crazy mom for Christmas
Ah, the joys of dating a guy with a tiger mom.
You may have originally thought that dating a momma’s boy meant that he’d be a sweetheart, but it also means that his mom is involved in every mother-fucking aspect of his life. And now that you’re dating him, it means that she’s involved in every aspect of your life too. From adding you on every social media network to casually texting you asking how your week is going, you’re thinking that maybe she needs something to keep her busy.
And what better way to get her to keep busy than by getting her something labor-intensive for Christmas? Or you know, something to make her chill TF out.
1. A New Hobby
Whether it’s pottery-making, kickboxing, sushi-rolling, or pole-dancing; anything to take up her time will mean that she’ll spend more time doing that and less time obsessing over her son. See if you can score a Groupon that’ll spark a new hobby within her, or maybe some DIY books.
2. A Potted Plant to Pay Attention to
Empty-nesting syndrome is super real. A potted plant may not eat huge helpings of spaghetti like her son does, but it’ll still (hopefully) make her feel like she’s taking care of someone, even if it is a group of Mini African Violets, which we recommend, because they take lots of maintenance.
3. A Blowup Doll of Her Son
If humanity is about to start fucking robotic dolls in the future, your boo’s mom can definitely talk to and annoy a blowup version of him. Or at least during the times when you really don’t want her calling his phone every two seconds, like when you’re having sex, or on vacation, or whatever.
4. The Sims Game To Fulfill Her Wildest Dreams
Instead of trying to control every move that you and your boyfriend make, your boo’s mom can just make Sims of you two and control you via her desktop! That way, if she wants you to start popping out babies and get married ASAP, she can live out her fantasies.
5. A Tracking Device To Eliminate Her Constant Texts
The good news is that your boyfriend’s mom makes you look like you’re the chillest girlfriend ever, the bad news is that she legit texts him “where are you” every hour of every day. Maybe if she had a tracking device it would eliminate some of the constant texts? Honestly, she’d probs find another reason to hit him up, but worth a shot, right?
You’d think that wine would make her calm down from her micro-management, but it only makes her more hyper. It’s time to bring out the big dogs. Just hit up your usual dealer and see if they can hook you up with some xans. Trust me, your boyfriend and his mom will probably thank you. We would say weed, but we all know she’s not chill enough to smoke.