17 Lazy Ways to Protest Trump’s Inauguration
Well, the moment we’ve all been dreading for is here.
Trump’s inauguration is officially upon us.
And while a handful of your friends and people you hate follow on Instagram are going to Washington or planning a big party to protest it, you’re sitting on your couch debating whether or not it would be rude to only Facetune yourself in the photo you’re about to post on Instagram.
Sure, your friends may have called you a traitor to the cause of even a lazy piece of shizznet for not taking a stand with them, but the good news is, they’re wrong about you.
Yeah, that’s right.
You’re holier than thou friends are wrong.
Believe it or not, but there’s actually a lot of ways to be lazy af and still protest Trump’s inauguration that all your activist friends never even dreamed of.
So get ready to shove their woke liberalism in their faces without even having to put on real pants!
Unless you have to go to work today, in which case, don’t worry, we’ve still got plenty of ideas for you.
1. Don’t smile or be fake polite to men all day
There may have been a lot of white women who somehow thought voting for Trump was a good idea, but the rest of us ladies weren’t fooled.
So this inauguration day, stick it to the man — literally.
Don’t smile when men tell you to smile, don’t laugh at their jokes to make them feel better, and for the love of god, when they say they’re feeling hot in the office but you’re feeling cold, DO NOT ADJUST THE AIR-CONDITIONING UNIT.
This should require literally no effort on your part.
2. Like every anti-Trump meme or tweet you see on social media all day
People say being a social media activist is bad, but honestly, what’s their march really going to accomplish anyway besides giving everybody blisters?
Haven’t women been marching for equality since the 1920s?
3. Repost/retweet the funniest ones
Let your 300 followers know you are pissed as hell and have really great taste in what’s funny.
Like seriously, somebody should hire you.
Please, for the love of god let somebody hire you.
You can’t keep working in coffee shops forever.
4. Pat yourself on the back for voting for Hillary
You deserve a cookie.
Get on Tinder and see if you can make some fuckboy buy you a cookie as penance for voting for Trump.
5. Turn your TV channel to literally anything else besides Trump’s inauguration
Or if you don’t have a TV, tweet about how everybody else should do it.
6. Put a hex on Trump online
I tried casting a magic spell on myself to lose weight, but it has allegedly worked for some people, so it’s worth a shot.
7. Tell your Trump supporting boyfriend you two are on a sex hiatus
In the words of my dear colleague Ashley Uzer, if your boyfriend voted for Trump, it’s time to build a wall around your pussy.
Or at least make him buy you a cookie and apologize for going on Tinder to ask randos to buy you one.
8. Wear a pin
When people see you wearing a pin, they don’t ask questions.
Wearing an American flag pin automatically makes you a patriot and wearing an anti-Donald Trump pin automatically makes you a Trump protester.
It’s literally that simple.
9. Get a plain T-shirt you don’t wear and write “Nasty Woman” on it
All you need to do to show the world you’re taking a stand against the patriarchy is to take an old ratty t-shirt you never wear anymore and write “Nasty Woman” on it.
Even if you only wear it for the amount of time it takes to snap a really good selfie, the world will take note of your DIY activism and be very impressed.
10. Get into an argument with somebody on social media about Trump
Because nothing says social activism like picking a fight with your snarly neighborhood Twitter troll.
11. Kiss your birth control and tell it you love it
Seriously, make a shrine to those sweet, sweet baby killers.
12. Mentally plan out a thinkpiece you could write for Thought Catalogue or Mic
And then promptly forget about it because thinkpieces are the worst.
13. Join Farts Against Trump
Farting on cue can be tough and kind of gross, but if it’s for a good cause, what’s the harm in getting your flatulence on?
The mission of Facebook group Farts Against Trump is simple.
As soon as Donald Trump gets sworn in, all you have to do is fart.
And it doesn’t even have to be a real fart.
You can just give your boyfriend a raspberry or download a farting app on your phone!
And people say Facebook is becoming irrelevant.
14. Consider moving to a Swing State
Just think about it.
And then when your friends get back from whatever march/protest for woke people in your state, you can let them know you’re actually going to make a difference next election cycle.
Then, when 2020 rolls around, just make up a lie about how you just found a rent-controlled apartment and promptly never invite your friends over to your place again.
15. Text your friends about how upset you are
Be sure to add plenty of crying emojis so they know you’re serious.
16. Write a lengthy Facebook status
Warning: nobody will take you seriously unless it’s at least three paragraphs long.
17. Watch YouTube videos from Obama’s inaugurations and get so stoned you fall asleep until 2020
Or at least make a Snapchat story about it so you can prove to your mother you are doing something creative with your life.