6 Things You Can Do To Punish Your BF For Voting Trump
If you’ve made it this far with a Trump-supporting boyfriend, congrats. And I don’t mean a guy who wears “Make America Great Again” hats or posts #TrumpTrain statuses, I mean any guy who voted Trump. Because if you voted for Trump, you’re a Trump supporter, even if you claim “both options were equally bad.”
Because your boyfriend can say that he wants to get taxed less or doesn’t trust Hillary, but what he’s really saying is that he cares about money over your safety. Cool.
If you’re for some reason with a dude who clearly doesn’t give a fuck about women whatsoever, it’s time to bounce. But don’t just dump him, dump him in style… and with a touch of revenge.
1. Get Pregnant
Donald has promised to reverse the Affordable Care Act (which makes birth control free) his first day in office, and he’ll likely try to outlaw abortions as well. What better way to “celebrate” this than by getting pregnant with your man so he can take full advantage of Trump’s great policies? You won’t have to argue about if you should keep it or not, because you’ll have no choice! Hope your boo is excited to be a dad!
2. Pretend To Get Pregnant
If you’re not ready to completely ruin your life by having a baby, you could just ruin your boyfriend’s by pretending to be pregnant after Trump has revoked all women’s healthcare. Your boo may not have to live the next 18 years of his life with a child, but he’ll still be shook as fuck. In fact, maybe ask for $300 for an “abortion” and then just buy shoes?
3. Elope With a Foreign Dude
Canadians seem to be getting all the attention, but really any foreign guy could hook you up with a citizenship if you play your cards right. Just get on Tinder, start swiping right on every dude with a foreign name, and invite them over to bang on your boyfriend’s bed! Then, elope so you can ditch this country and watch your ex-bae burn in the flames of a failed country.
4. Build a Wall In Front of Your Vag
Just like Trump wants to block the Mexicans from entering our country, you can block your boo from entering your vag (or any of your holes, for that matter). This should be easy, considering Trump’s election has probably made you feel every emotion besides happy and horny.
5. Make Him Pay For Your Birth Control
Trump will (hopefully) not be able to overturn Roe v. Wade, but there’s a good chance he’ll overturn Obamacare, cut even more funding to Planned Parenthood, and the like, which means your birth control might get expensive af. If your sweetheart still claims that he “can’t wear condoms” because they’re “uncomfortable,” that’s fine, just make sure he writes you a check every month to pay the ridiculous cost of your birth control. And maybe some extra just for fun?
6. Quit Your Job And Start Spending All His Money
Trump and his cronies clearly believe that a women’s place is in the home, not in the workplace. That’s fine, you’re probs sick of working 9-5 anyways, so just quit! Your bae will be hyped, and you can become the perfect housewife by spending all his money on fancy dinners, designer clothing, and luxurious getaways. Melania ain’t got nothing on you!