Tips That’ll Keep You Detached From Your Hook-Up Buddy

F*ck buddies are always better in theory than in reality.

In theory, you have a hot dude who provides dick when you need it sans emotions. In reality, you end up with a situation like that awful Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis movie where you end up falling hard and not knowing how to tell your friend with benefits.

But, how do you prevent yourself from falling for a dude who is constantly coming over, cuddling with you, and most of all, f*cking you?

Cosmopolitan created a list of sexual positions that will cause you to release oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and therefore become attached. This inspired us to make a reverse list. What better way to avoid falling vagina over heels than to prohibit your Tinder match from engaging in any of said behavior?

Here’s the full list of no-no’s:

1. Holding Hands

Okay, let’s be real, when a guy holds your hand in public, it can be nice. The fact that he’s displaying public affection with you means he’s not afraid of running into his boys, his family, or his other hook-ups (if they exist, which they probably don’t if he’s holding your hand in public). Even if we don’t like a guy and he holds our hand, it makes us think, because damn, he’s basically our boyfriend now. It’s unlikely that a fuckboy or a guy who’s not into you is going to hold your hand in public, unless he’s dragging you on the dance floor to grind or pulling your hand towards his dong.

So if you want to keep your relationship as f*ck buddies and nothing more, casually pull your hand away if your boytoy tries to grab it in public. He’ll get the picture.

2. Deep Kisses

Let’s cut to the chase why don’t we? Kissing can be fabulous and all, but he’s your fuck-buddy, not your make-out buddy. Avoid too much kissing and focus on f*cking, sucking, moaning, you know, “safe” things. The only thing that should be going deep is his penis in your vagina.

3. Long Hugs

Similar to holding hands, long hugs are something reserved for boyfriends, not the rando you found at the open bar last night. Your way of saying goodbye to your fuck buddy should be closing the door on his ass after you orgasm, not indulging in a long romantic hug.

4. Sucking On Your Nipples

He’s not your child and you’re not feeding him milk, so avoid letting him suck on your nipples (even if he wants to). Divert Mr. Right Now down to your clitoris where you’ll feel some real action and won’t run the risk of developing feelings.

5. Long Eye Contact

There was a really rough rom com called “Heartbreakers” during the golden age of chick flicks — 2001 — about a pair of mother-daughter con artists. Their biggest rule was never to close their eyes during a kiss or sexual encounter, because kissing with your eyes closed meant something. It turns out that like all romantic comedy heroines, they were way off the mark. Maintaining extended eye contact is a way to bond with your partner. So if he tries to look into your eyes, focus on the wallpaper or something.

Of course, if you find yourself wanting to do all these things and more with your pant-less partner, you’ve probably already caught feelings and there’s nothing you can do about it. Either talk to him about it to see if he feels the same way, or get the hell out of there. Otherwise, you’re in for a world of pain.

The one thing you shouldn’t do is try to get yourself back to a platonic f*ck situation, because it ain’t gonna happen. Make it official, or cut your losses and move on.

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