7 Signs You Need to Ditch Your Hook Up Buddy
There’s nothing wrong with casual sex with a hook up buddy, despite what Tinder haters want you to believe. Lots of people have successful, fulfilling casual set-ups with hook up buddies that allow both people (or everyone) involved to get what they want, and avoid what they don’t. It’s okay to have a phobia of committed relationships, it’s okay to be okay with not wanting to settle down. But, when your casual hook up relationship starts becoming less than ideal it’s time to move on. Here are the seven crucial signs that your hook up buddy has got to go.
- The sex is bad.
This is number one on the list for a reason, and it’s pretty self explanatory. In her recent and somewhat alarmist article “Tinder and the Dawn of the Dating Apocalpyse,” Nancy Jo Sales did get one thing right– she gave light to testimony from women who use Tinder who have suffered countless unfulfilled nights with men who can’t deliver the orgasms they deserve, or even worse, just can’t keep it up. If you’re having bad sex with a hook up buddy, stop having sex with them. There is not enough time in this world to be going through the motions without getting anything in return. The first step to having better sex? Not having bad sex in the first place. Politely tell your hook up buddy that what they’re doing just isn’t doing it for you. And never text them again. The end.
- You are obsessed with them, and the feeling is not mutual.
You’ll do anything for them– compromise your dignity, boundaries, and sense of self to get their attention. You’re okay with not dating with them because not dating them and having sex with them is better than the alternative of not seeing them at all. You can’t wait to get their text messages, which only seem to come at the most inconvenient times for you. But you’ll drop everything and send that nude from work anyway. This isn’t healthy, and it isn’t beneficial for you. Remaining in this type of power dynamic is setting yourself up for disappointment and mental stress you just don’t need. I know it may be hard to see, since you’re obsessed with them after all, but it won’t be worth it once they finally use you up for all your resources (sexual attention and otherwise) and drop you for the next fuck buddy.
- You keep hoping that you’ll start dating eventually.
If your 5 months into this set up, and dating has never even been remotely discussed but you’re still holding out hope that one day they will wake up and realize you’re “the one” you’re only fooling yourself. If a serious relationship is what you want, start seeking one out on those terms from the get-go, and stop hoping for your hook up buddy to make you their girlfriend. You’ll find someone, but your Tinder buddy isn’t that someone.
- They only booty call you at 4am when they’re completely wasted.
This is inconsiderate and rude. Just because you have a casual set up does not mean that someone gets to treat you like shit and be a total asshole to you– only stumbling through your door when they’re sloppy and looking for cheap companionship. Casual sex can and should be respectful. Do not open your doors for drunk booty calls at 4am– when its likely your hook up wants shelter, water, and possibly some of that leftover pizza you had for dinner more than they really want to sleep with you. If they’re drunk and exhausted, the sex will be lousy anyway. On to the next one.
- They’re hooking up with your entire friend group, too.
Unless you and your friends are purposefully passing this person around, collectively set this person free and warn your other friends about them.
- They always eat your food when they come over.
Does it seem like every time the hook up buddy you met off Tinder comes over for a sexy session, they’re plundering the snacks in your fridge as much as they’re plundering your vagina? Are your weekly groceries mysteriously disappearing? Your favorite juice being consumed at alarming rates? If so, it’s officially time to ditch this person, and inform them that your home does not double as their cantine, and you will not be personally supplying their food supply. Bye!
- They have a girlfriend.
Do not do this. Do not be the “other woman” no matter how thrilling you might find it to be. It’s unfair to her, it’s unfair to you, and it’s really just an invitation for unneccesary drama in your life. Why put yourself in this lose-lose situation when there are plenty of single, available, people who are down? Let it go.