The Offensive Halloween Costume That Matches Your Zodiac Sign
Every year, more and more costumes get added to the “not cool” list. Remember the days of yore when you could buy a slutty Native American costume for $19.99 and have people comment “hawt” on your MySpace pics instead of “fuck you, you ignorant twat”?
Yeah, sorry, but the days as dressing up as a culture for Halloween are gone along with Neopets and flip-phones. We live in a much more woke society.
So we’ve done the math and figured out which offensive costume you’re subconsciously leaning toward due to astrology. And we’re also giving you a few good reasons NOT to dress like anything on this list.
But in case you do want to piss everyone off, you should def dress as one of these super offensive costumes. If you’re having difficulty deciding on whether to dress as a baby and Harambe couple costume or sexy Ken Bone, have no fear, your horoscope sign will guide you.
ARIES
As one of the most aggressive signs, you’d prob think it’s totally funny to dress up as one of the killer clowns that have been scaring the shit out of people up and down the east coast. Guess what? It’s not funny. Plus you could get arrested when there inevitably ARE psycho clowns on the loose this Halloween. Go as Freddy Kruger or something.
TAURUS
We get it, everybody wants to be Beyoncé, especially a boss bitch like any Taurus lady. We know you’re not dumb enough to wear blackface (right? right??), but that doesn’t mean that it’s cool to dress up as Queen B in “Formation” if you’re white. Sorry.
GEMINI
You have the “honor” of sharing a sign with Donald Trump and George W. Bush, so why not pay homage to your Republican sign sisters and dress up as a sexy Donald Trump? Maybe you can grab yourself by the pussy?
CANCER
Stop being your usual defensive self and saying that your “funny” costume choice is chill, Cancer. You’re a racist asshole. Being Mexican is not a costume.
LEO
Leo is known as the “king of beasts,” so it only makes sense for you to go as the late Harambe, king of beasts in our hearts.
VIRGO
You’re very picky about everything, especially your Halloween costume. I know that this costume is cute as fuck and hits all your Halloween “criteria,” but please don’t wear it unless you’re, you know, actually of Chinese descent. K thanks.
LIBRA
Kimmy is a Libra. And since you’ve already dressed up as her PAPER mag cover, might as well continue the trend with this year’s hot Kim K costume. Especially if you want everyone to think you’re an asshole with questionable taste.
SCORPIO
Hil’s a Scorpio, which explains why she’s determined and a little stubborn. The sad thing is that maybe if Hillary was “sexy” enough, Republicans would actually vote for her.
SAGITTARIUS
You’re extroverted, so you’d totally rock this harem costume to show off your bod and have an excuse to gyrate your hips all night long. Stop trying to be exotic, Sagittarius, you grew up in Texas and your parents are both Irish af.
CAPRICORN
Capricorn, sorry, but you’re kind of basic, which explains why you are this Day of the Dead costume. Every girl with a YouTube account already did this last year and it still wasn’t okay.
AQUARIUS
Those born under the Aquarius sign are progressive, humanitarian, and independent… so probably also a stoner. What better way to celebrate your fave turn-up holiday than to dress like a sexy edible-baker and pass out brownies to all?
PISCES
Pisces loves playing the victim, so it makes sense for you to be a really bad rendition of a Native American, who were huge victims for legitimate reasons. But just because you wore a fringe crop top to Coachella doesn’t mean you need to continue this trend into Halloween. Just be a black cat like you’ve done for the past five years.
