Bumble Can Put Women in Control But it Can’t Eliminate Fuck Boys
The dating app Bumble burst onto the scene this past fall, marketed as a women’s choice dating app that did away with the creepy messaging of one-night-stand heavy dating apps like Tinder.
Bumble’s formula is simple: you swipe right or left just like Tinder, but only women can make the first move, and they only have 24 hours to do so. The idea is that this puts women in control. The question is: does having more control actually help you nab your dream man?
Ana*, a 20-year-old college student, believes otherwise. After downloading Bumble a couple months ago, she matched with a 22-year-old guy named Patrick* at a nearby college who invited her to his fraternity’s pregame. After bringing two of her friends to the pregame with her, the party headed out to a nearby bar.
“We weren’t at the bar for long before he started pressuring me to go back to his apartment to hook up,” she said. “At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hook up with this guy, because I had just met him. But, he was nice to me and my friends and I hadn’t gotten dick in a while, so I figured why not.”
Shortly after having sex, Ana headed home where she got a text from Patrick, who was concerned that the condom they used broke.
“I was so worried,” she told Galore. “Of course I finally decide to have a one night stand and this happens to me. He didn’t even have the balls to tell me to my face.”
The next morning, Patrick, who was allegedly leaving for Paris for spring break the next day, sent a fraternity pledge over with Ana’s bracelet that she left at his house, and didn’t give her money for Plan B as she had asked for.
“He never texted me after,” Ana said. “I mean, he did leave for France… but like, he didn’t seem interested after to begin with.”
Ana’s case isn’t a rarity. In fact, many female Bumble users have found that the ability to message first doesn’t always save them from shitty conversations or fuck boys.
“The guys are hot on it, but I hate messaging first. Their responses are so shitty and short,” says Chelsee, 22.
Karly, a 22-year-old student living in Washington, D.C., feels similarly. “I don’t go for the typical pretty boy, frat boy type, I pick the ones that are interesting. This one guy who was from Paris, looked very interesting, and within two minutes he totally ruined it. He was already asking where we could meet up by 5 p.m. so he can teach me how to ‘French kiss.’ I told him I already knew how to be cheeky and then he basically got mad at me, it was weird.”
So do all guys on Bumble have family connections in Paris and like to jet off right after a quickie? Not necessarily. Karly also mentioned that her friend Adriana met a guy on Bumble. “They exchanged Snapchats and he ended up being in Cancun [at the same time as Adriana]. She hung out with him for a bit, that was it.”
While Bumble is marketed as a women’s choice dating app, it seems that the messy results end up much like Tinder matches. A casual hangout (or hookup) after a night out, then both parties go their separate ways. Are guys signing up for Bumble hoping for more than a one night stand? It doesn’t look like it. In fact, for some guys, it seems to be an even easier way for them to score.
Reddit user VintageLightbulb explained, “I use Bumble. It’s marketed as a girls-friendly app that prevents a large portion of unwanted messages from guys. However, it’s absolutely awesome for guys. No effort really required to start or maintain a conversation. I feel like since the girls send the first message, they feel (consciously or not) that the pressure is on them to keep the conversation going.”
Lucas, 21, a Philadelphia area college student, had no problem admitting that he used Bumble “to try to find a one night stand.” However, he prefers Tinder.
“I have way less success [on Bumble] than I do on Tinder. Because even if you match with a girl, there’s only a 24 hours window for them to message you if they really want to. Plus, girls’ pick-up lines are brutal. They’re like, ‘Hey, I’m Emily, how are you?'”
Lucas prefers the women that send him to-the-point pick-up lines, like this example that he shared from Kim:
When I asked if Lucas met up with Kim, he said he hadn’t.
“Honestly, she just wasn’t very good looking,” he said. “On Bumble you have unlimited swipes, so I right swipe literally everything. I don’t really know the logic behind it, but I’d definitely say I get less quality matches on Bumble than I do on Tinder. There are also a lot more MILFs on Bumble. Switch the age range to 35-50 for a lovely surprise.”
While Bumble can put women in the driver’s seat, it can’t come up with an algorithm to block fuck boys from the app, or to allow men to really disclose what type of relationship they’re looking for (which is more often than not a one night stand).
Anthony, a 22-year-old college student, expressed similar motives to Lucas.
“I use Bumble to get laid. I don’t use it too much, but I have met two girls from it before. I always take them to dinner first, I saw one girl again, but not the other one. The first time with her was too awkward, she was talking about relationships and shit like that.”
Many girls know to be wary of Tinder for guys that are only interested in a one night stands rather than a relationship, but not all regard Bumble in the same way. However, the more that girls seem to use Bumble, the more they realize that their ability to message first hasn’t changed the way that guys think or feel about dating in 2016.
Morgan, 20, still prefers Tinder or other dating apps like Happn.
“I’ve only met up with someone once [from Bumble] and it was with a group and we were both really drunk,” she said. “I think it’s more of just like a mutual one night stand app, not a relationship app. Anytime I’ve talked to a guy on it, if I message them, it’s like unless you’re literally putting out it just dies off. The boys on it are kind of fuckboys too. If you don’t message the guy right away or within 24 hours they lose interest because they found some other girl who eagerly messaged them first, or the time is up.”
While Bumble has taken awesome strides in allowing women to make the first move, and sped up dead-end matches by installing a 24-hour time limit, it is not the end all, be all for chicks to find Prince Charming at the swipe of their fingers. Unfortunately, whether you’re dating in person or via your smart phone, girls always have to keep their guard up to guys who are “only looking for one thing.” Just because a dude is on a dating app doesn’t mean that he wants to date you. If you love having control, you’ll probably love Bumble.
But, if you prefer letting guys come to you, no need to go out of your comfort zone and download the women’s first dating apps, because it seems that you’re just as likely to find bae on Tinder.