What Your Crush’s Halloween Costume Says About How He Is In Bed

A dude’s Halloween costume says a lot about personality, you just might not know what it is.

A guy’s costume can portray his fuckboy tendencies, how he is in bed, and even how big his dick is (okay, maybe not really, but we can guess).

Since you’re probs going to be drunk and horny on Halloween, here’s how to make sure you’re not going home with a loser, based on his costume.


Guys have been dressing up as superheroes since before they were potty trained, and for good reason. Superheroes are always relevant and classic. You can’t really go wrong with a Batman, Superman, or Ironman, or whatever. Batman was even named the hottest costume for a guy to wear in 2016, according to a study.

Sure, a dude rocking a Superman onesie might not be the most original or kinky dude, but he is like vanilla ice cream: classic, cute, and what he lacks in originality, he makes up for in sweetness.

Super Villain:

Alright, who do you think is more fun in bed? Batman or the Joker? I mean, aside from Joker’s psychotic-ness, that is. Batman’s the type of dude to go through the motions, roll over to his side of the bed, and waits for you to leave. The Joker, on the other hand, teases you, ties you up, and does that thing with his tongue that you like.

Sure, super villain costumes aren’t always as hot as superhero costumes, but the bad boy fantasy is very real. It wouldn’t be the worst idea to go home with a dude dressed as the good guy’s arch nemesis.

Something Clearly Last Minute:

Someone really needs to start outlawing “basketball player” as a Halloween costume. You can’t just throw on a fucking jersey and call it a costume while the rest of us waste so much time and money on creating an intricate look. If he’s that lazy when it comes to putting an outfit together, he probably is just as lazy in bed… and that’s if he doesn’t get whiskey dick. A guy who thinks he’s too cool for a costume is the same type of dude who thinks he’s too cool to eat pussy. Next!

Something “Sexy”:

A dude who rocks a shirtless costume knows that he’s hot, and fuck, might as well show it off, right? He might be a bit of a cocky motherfucker, but if you’re only looking for a one night stand, there’s nothing wrong with grinding on that dude in the gladiator costume with killer pecs until the lights come on. On the plus side, you already know he has a great body, and you can’t say the same about that dude in a dinosaur suit.

Something Non-PC:

Alright, we all know the PC-police have gone way too far. But it’s still pretty lame if a dude rocks a poncho and sombrero and claims to be “a Mexican.” His immaturity and low sense of humor translate into the bedroom, and not in a good way. Just like he doesn’t know that culture is not a costume, he doesn’t know how to successfully engage in foreplay. He also probably lives in a shit-hole, maybe he’s trying to make fun of someone else to distract from his own issues?

Something Political:

This can really go either way, is he dressed as Trump because he’s making fun of him? Or because he actually thinks he can “make America great again”? You should probably find out… or maybe you should just save your time and go talk to the shirtless dude in a hula skirt instead. A dude dressed up in political garb is the type of guy that you wish you could put a muzzle on. He might be hot and semi-woke, but he’ll ruin it by being condescending and being the type of guy who wants to talk about serious shit when you’re trying to get wasted. You came there to take jello shots, not talk about Benghazi.

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