7 Ways To Make Sure You Never Hear From Your One Night Stand Again
Sometimes you have sex with a cute, fun guy and wonder why you never heard back from him. Sometimes you have sex with a guy who turns out to be a fucking freak and you want to make sure he doesn’t fill up your DMs for the next six months. Either way, here’s what not to do if you don’t want your one night stand to ghost the f out of you. Although it wouldn’t really be ghosting, would it?
1. Make Him Breakfast In The Morning
Do not waste a second of your time whipping up breakfast for some dude who probably doesn’t remember your name. The only person you’re allowed to make those “eggs cheesy with them grits” for is The Weeknd. Otherwise, don’t even bother making toast. You’re not going to look “wifey” you’re going to look clingy. Get your ass home and make breakfast for yourself in your own apartment.
2. Leave Something Gross In His Bathroom
You’d think guys would be understanding of the fact that we all have bodily functions, but c’mon, you would think lesser of a dude if he left your bathroom smelling like turd, wouldn’t you? Same thing goes for leaving a bloody tampon on top of his trash can. A dude shouldn’t be grossed out by a period, but he might be grossed out by the fact that you don’t know how to clean up after yourself.
3. Ask Him When You’re Going To See Him Again
Playing hard to get is old school, I know, but studies show that it works every damn time. Chill out on planning the next time you’ll “casually” run into each other at the bar, and let him do the planning (or non-planning). This will show you how big of a fuckboy he is and how desperate he is to see you again, which will help you out a ton in the future.
4. Snapchat a Pic Of Him Sleeping
I know, I know, it’s a ritual with you and your eight BFFs that you send each other pics of the guys that you fucked, but what if he wakes up and catches you? Is a “LOL” sent from Stacey really worth that dude thinking you’re a fucking psycho stalker? Probs not.
5. Overstay Your Welcome
Do you really want to spend your Saturday morning with a rando dude in his apartment that vaguely smells like Hot Cheetos and Tequila? If so, why? If he’s your future prince charming, I’m sure you’ll see him again in a situation where your makeup isn’t running down your face and you aren’t hungover af. The sooner you get out of his place, the sooner he’ll be missing you. Don’t you hate when guys stay at your place too long the morning after? Yeah, they feel the same way about you.
6. Dead Fishing
I don’t want to say that a dude will ghost you because the sex is bad, but he probably will. But you don’t need to pull some porn-inspired moves to keep him around, you just have to do fucking something. Sex can’t be fun if you’re laying there doing nothing, can it? Throw your self-consciousness out the window and have fun the next time you fuck, I guarantee your partner will have way more fun too.
7. Puking On His Dick (Or Anywhere)
OMG girl, wipe that puke off your face, grab your purse, and run the fuck out of there before he sees your face long enough to commit it to memory. He’s not going to call you again, and you shouldn’t want him too. Maybe in some really weird college-themed rom-com you two would fall in love and laugh about this incident, but this is real life, sorry.