7 Guys You Might Make Out With On Thanksgiving Eve
On Thanksgiving, you’ll give thanks with your fam, you’ll wear a conservative (but roomy) dress, and you’ll stuff your face with mashed potatoes. But on the night before, you party.
Thanksgiving Eve is one of the biggest party nights of the year. Maybe it’s because people can’t stand staying in with their parents for another night, maybe it’s because they need to get all their alcoholism out of their system before hanging with granny, but either way, it’s lit.
Because you’ll probs be celibate for the majority of Thanksgiving break, you need to get your hoe-ness out on Wednesday. Unfortunately, most of the guys you run into will be ghosts from the past. But hey, sometimes that makes for a better story, right?
1. Your Best Friend’s Brother
Remember that Victoria Justice song about this forbidden romance? If you don’t, you’re missing out. Regardless, that brother of your high school friend was always sexy, still is sexy, and doesn’t seem to remember you. Or if he does, he’s not saying anything. Why not live your childhood fantasy now? Besides, he’s already seen you with no makeup and Limited Too pajamas the mornings after slumber parties.
2. The Guy You Dated In The 7th Grade
Okay, you guys “dated” in middle school, which consisted of a couple movie dates and a few make-out sessions. You guys may have held hands during a school assembly once… or maybe that was your other middle school boyfriend. He’s still pretty cute, and he’s finally taller than you. Why not go at it again for old time’s sake? Just make sure you don’t stay over and have to deal with his annoyingly overbearing mom that you’ve tried to forget.
3. The Bro Who Joined a Frat In College
Fraternities are enablers, they enable the dudes who were never cool and never got girls in high school to finally feel like they’re popular, or “a sick, pussy slaying bro.” This kid was a huge try-hard in high school, the kind of kid who hosted parties at his house for kids he wasn’t friends with just to feel like he was important.
Well, now that he joined the “top house” (allegedly) at his state school, he finally feels like he’s fulfilled his dreams. Girls like you are not out of his league anymore (or so he thinks), and if you deny his advances, he’ll probably make a comment about how you’re a “hoe anyway” or how he “bags way hotter chicks at school.” Sick.
4. The Sugar Daddy
You say “no thanks,” to all the losers from high school that you never wanted to see again. Instead, you end up chatting up an older businessman that’s definitely a silver-fox version of a fuckboy. But hey, he’s keeping the drinks coming, and he’s definitely wearing Gucci loafers. The next morning he texts you asking when he can see you again, and you reluctantly admit that you won’t be back until Christmas. He sends a weird sad face emoji with a nose, and that’s that.
5. The Guy Who Never Acknowledged You In High School
Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in. Funny how some dudes only were interested in girls in their clique in high school, but now that you ditched your glasses and lost 10 pounds suddenly they’re paying attention to you. In fact, he doesn’t even seem to realize that you went to the same high school. Should you mention it? Or should you make up an entirely new persona and act like you were always this cool? Revel in your confidence boost, but don’t give him the satisfaction of using his high school status to get laid.
6. The Guy Who Was Your Third Grade Teacher
Well, this is fucking awkward. You know you look much different now compared to when you were 10, but how could your hot third grade teacher have forgotten what a trouble maker you were? You’re now questioning if you should fess up and remind him that he was your teacher in 2003 at Maplewood Elementary? Or play it cool since he’s still a total babe?
7. The Dude Who Peaked In High School
After you’ve been out of high school for four to eight years, you’ll realize that popularity wasn’t everything. In fact, it seems that half (or more) of the “cool” kids in high school ended up never getting out of your hometown and still try to relive their glory days by attending football games and living in their parents’ basement.
While you would’ve fainted into your locker if this dude asked you out in high school, now that he’s a clerk at Home Depot instead of a football quarterback and he’s gained 20 pounds, he’s a lot less appealing. But don’t worry, that’s nothing seven tequila shots can’t fix!