6 Storylines We’d Love to See on Kylie’s New Reality Show
Just when you thought you couldn’t possibly be keeping up with the Kardashians any more than you already were, E! decided it was half past time Kylie Jenner got her own reality show.
Titled “Life of Kylie,” the eight part docu-series will allow Kylie to give her fans “a peek inside all of the exciting things I am working on as well as some personal time with friends.”
Basically, it sounds like an HD version of Kylie’s Snapchat.
While some of the storylines will probably consist of your run of the mill “I’m a boss” content, here’s a list of Kylie storylines I’d give my left and right arms to see happen.
READ ALSO: Kylie Jenner Celebrated Her Laser Hair Removal By Wearing a #Baldpuss Hat
Kylie Comes Out as the Lead Singer of Terror Jr
For as long as the band Terror Jr’s been a thing, it’s popularity has gone hand in hand with the rumors that the mysterious lead singer known only as “Lisa” and “Psycho Lisa” was actually Kylie Jenner.
The signs were all there and then Kylie had to ruin it by getting on Snapchat and being like, naw son.
“I don’t really read like, articles or blogs or anything,” Kylie remarked. “But my mom just asked me – my mom, my mom just asked me if I was a part of this Terror Jr band and I’m like, ‘is this even that serious?'”
Still, as somebody who’s spent multiple hours parsing over Terror Jr. lyrics for proof there’s no way Kylie couldn’t have not been involved, I’m not convinced.
And there’s nothing I’d like better than for Kylie to validate my conspiracy theories on television, preferably while she puts on a shirt that says “I am Terror Jr.” and gives us all a big wink.
READ ALSO: Nevermind, Kylie Says She’s Not the Lead Singer of Terror Jr.
Kylie and Tyga Break Up For Good
Kylie and Tyga are supposedly “on a break” right now, but you know what they say, right?
It’s not over until Kylie throws Tyga’s promise ring into an infinity pool, screams, “it’s like, over” and then posts a picture of herself looking moody on the grass.
Ideally, it’d go a little something like this:
Kylie’s getting her makeup done in her house when she gets a call from Tyga for the first time in weeks.
Everybody else in the room tells Kylie not to even think about answering it, but Kylie’s konflicted.
READ ALSO: Looks Like Kylie and Tyga Are On Yet Another Break
Cutting to a one-on-one konfessional with the kamera man, Kylie konfesses that she knows her friends are right and she needs to move on, but that she and Tyga have a history and she can’t just ignore him.
Putting Tyga on speaker phone, Kylie begrudgingly agrees to meet him at his new house that night, just to talk.
But when she shows up, Tyga’s standing there in a suit and there are roses everywhere.
Kylie’s like, “WTF, Tyga, I didn’t even know you owned a suit.”
And Tyga’s like, “I didn’t, I borrowed this form the Balmain store because my bank account is empty, but do you wanna marry me anyway?”
And Kylie’s like, “WTF Tyga, you can’t even buy yourself a suit? What’s wrong with you?”
And Tyga’s like, “I could tell you now, or you could agree to be with me forever and I could spend the rest of our lives telling you what’s wrong with me.”
At first Kylie’s like, “am I being punked?” but then Tyga just keeps talking about how he’s not joking and how he meant everything he said when he bought her that promise ring, and just when you think they’re about to get engaged, he says something awful, and she throws his promise ring into the infinity pool.
Pissed, Tyga lets Kylie walk away and dives into the pool right away because if she doesn’t want that ring, he needs to make sure he gets it before it gets sucked into the drain so he can pawn that shit.
Jordyn Woods and Kylie Put On Disguises and Turn Down Men
After Kylie and Tyga break up for good (god willing), Kylie will most likely be sad.
Like not can’t get out of bed sad, but definitely can’t be bothered to show up on time to not pressing business at her makeup factory sad.
So Jordyn Woods, being the good best friend that she is, will come up with a plan to make Kylie forget about being sad for a bit: she’ll hire a makeup artist to make disguises for her and Kylie so they can go out in the world and be normal people.
Kind of like how Kendall, Khloe and Kylie disguised themselves as old/warty women and went on a tour of Hollywood, but different because they’d be wearing gorgeous glam disguises and instead of sitting on a bus, they’d go to The Nice Guy and savagely turn down men all night.
READ ALSO: The Kardashians Just Went on a Hollywood Bus Tour In Disguise
At first, Kylie’s like, “uh no I just ended things with the guy I thought I was maybe gonna marry, I can’t even be around guys,” but then she’s like, “whatever, maybe it would be nice to feel like a normal human being for a second of my life.”
But once she gets on the makeup and has a full steak dinner, or whatever tf you eat at The Nice Guy, Kylie feels like a new woman and so when a dude who looks a poor man’s Justin Bieber asks if he can buy her a drink, she flashes Jordyn a smile and says, “I don’t think so babe, you look like the mop bucket Justin Bieber peed in.”
And then the guy’s like, “OMG that was one time – when will the world forgive me for my sins? I need to find my purpose,” takes off his shoes and leaves the club to find the nearest tree.
Kylie turns to Jordyn and says, “Whoa, did I just turn down Justin Bieber?”
And Jordyn Woods is like, “Nice.”
And Kylie is like, “Nice.”
And that’s how the two women discovered the real reason they call it The Nice Guy.
READ ALSO: 8 Guys We Want to See Kylie With Next
Kylie Takes All Her Dogs to Get a Check Up
Kylie has roughly one million dogs, so just imagine if you will that one day she watches a documentary on Netflix about animals getting cancer or something, and then Norman or Penny starts sneezing and Kylie freaks the fuck out.
The next day she decides all the dogs need to go for a check up, just to be safe, so she runs around the house to put them all in crates, has a small mental breakdown trying to figure out how to fit them all in her car, and then gets pulled over on the highway for driving too slowly.
“But officer, you don’t understand. I have so many dogs and I’m pretty sure all of them have cancer right now. I need to gooooo now,” Kylie tells the uniformed figure standing between her and the medical well-being of her animals.
And then when Kylie finally shows up to the vet with her posse carrying their weight in dog, the vet takes Kylie into a room and is like, “Kylie, spontaneous dog cancer isn’t a thing. When’s the last time you dusted?”
And Kylie’s like, “Ummm.”
And the vet’s like, “Oh, Kylie.”
Doesn’t that just sound like riveting television to you?
READ ALSO: What Happened to the 29 Pets the Kardashians Have Owned Since 2007
Kylie Sits Down With Kanye to Discuss Her Rap Career
It’s been a rumor since forever ago that Kylie Jenner thought she was low key the next Nicki Minaj and was secretly recording rap music.
Obviously, we all say things about burgeoning rap careers when we’re little kids that don’t necessarily come true – like how Zayn Malick used to call himself MC Zed and spit bars in beanies – but it’s not like Kylie hasn’t been on a rap song.
Last year, Kylie got her first feature on a rap song, and even though it was very auto-tuned and Kylie couldn’t even get through the words “it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood” without giggling, she still did it.
So it’s not completely out of this world to imagine her sitting down with Kanye for a working lunch to discuss whether or not he saw a rap career in her future.
Can’t you just hear Kanye saying, “that shit cray” and then calling Kim on the phone to say, “ain’t it bae?”
READ ALSO: Holy Shit: Kylie Just Got Her First Feature on a Rap Song
Kylie Shaves Her Head
Kylie Jenner has done one million things that can and have damaged her hair, and even though this would never ever happen in one million trillion years, what if Kylie Jenner sat down with her hair colorist one day and was told, “Kylie, you’ve been wildin out for a hot sec now and your hair is so dunzo we need to call up the dictionary people and come up with a new word for dunzo.”
And what if instead of being like, “what are you even talking about,” Kylie was like, “Okay fine, I can be bald. I can do anything. I’m Kylie frickin Jenner.”
Sure, she’d probably have a brief moment of crying her eyes out as the colorist shaved off the first hair strip, but when it was all said and done, she’d probably be so caught up in her transformation she’d run around the house screaming, “I look just like Norman. I am my own hairless dog!!!!”
Then she’d wake up in the morning, take one look at herself in the mirror, scream bloody murder because she forgot her head was shaved, and then you’d never see her without a wig ever again.
She’d even buy a special wig to wear in the shower.
But oh what a glorious couple of hairless minutes it would have been.