5 Women Who Couldn’t Get Abortions Tell Their Stories
Ask a conservative what a women should do when she gets impregnatedÂ without planning on it, and he’ll say, “Well, she shouldn’t have had sex.”
Obviously, that’s completely unrealistic and ridiculous, not to mention that in some cases, the now-pregnant woman didn’t want to have sex.
Unfortunately, some people still haven’t realized that denying someone access to an abortion is to denyÂ them the rights to their own body, and potentially bringing a new baby into a world where they can’t be properly cared for.
Luckily, abortion is still currently legal, but conservative states have been trying their best to makeÂ getting one impossible. Just because an abortion is legal doesn’t mean that a woman has the funds to afford an abortion, or even a vehicle to drive multiple hours to the only abortion clinic in her state.
One woman asked other women on Reddit to share their stories about being denied abortions. Here they are.
“I found out I was pregnant when I was 19. It was during a rape kit after being assaulted by my boyfriend’s father. I probably should’ve known I was pregnant, but I thought the nausea was the result of drinking and my eating disorder. I cried while in stirrups and the nurse gave me this list of phone numbers to clinics without saying a word. Ultimately I could not afford an abortion on my own and my boyfriend, Will, said he would leave me if I even considered it. He was my everything and I imagined that picturesque American Dream of us being a family.
“Honestly, I hated being pregnant. I hated losing control of my body, I hated the stretch marks, I hated the weight gain. I wasn’t ready and didn’t want that f*cking thing inside me. Will was always drunk and it took a black eye for me to realize there was no family. Fortunately he agreed to give our daughter up for adoption.
“We went through this agency that gave us their ‘family scrapbooks.’ Most of them were weird, but we did find this single woman who fostered shelter dogs, owned her own business, and owned a home by a lake. She looked like my sister and when I met her she was so kind.
“I spent roughly 24 hours with Lydia before I said goodbye. Almost immediately after delivery, seeing her out of me, I said out loud that I couldn’t do this. I held her while she cried, I cried too, I could never give her what she needed.
“Will and I signed the adoption papers in the hospital. The adoptive mother’s mother wanted a picture of us for documentation or whatever. We are both sitting on a hospital couch with forced smiles and tears running down our faces.
“I broke up with Will months later. It was supposed to be an open adoption, but I stopped getting any updates after Lydia’s first birthday. She turns 10 this year. Her mom has a Facebook that posts a new photo of Lydia every couple of years or so and she is so damn happy and pretty. I’ve considered reaching out to her mom on there, but there’s a risk she doesn’t want me involved and I’d just be blocked and never see Lydia again at all. I never want to be pregnant again. I hate being around babies and young children. The whole experience was the worst year of my life and I don’t wish it upon anyone.” -Â eatkittens
“I was brutally raped by my ex-boyfriend on my 18th birthday and got pregnant. I wanted an abortion, there was no doubt about it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t afford one and at the time I didn’t know there was funding available for my situation. I also didn’t have a car, so would need a ride and all that.
“I asked everyone I knew if I could borrow the money, and nobody would help me out. One friend had the money and was going to lend it to me, but her boyfriend told her he would break up with her if she did (oh, high school).
“Eventually I told my parents and asked them for the money. They said no (and honestly they wouldn’t have been able to afford it even if they wanted) and were weirdly excited about a potential grandkid even though I was still in high school, although my mom did say she would go with me to get the procedure done.
“Somehow, the ex-boyfriend’s parents found out and fucking flipped. They demanded a meeting at their house with me and my parents, where they insisted I go stay with a distant relative, carry the baby to term, and give it away. During this meeting, when I said I wanted an abortion, my mom acted like that was the first time she’d heard that and said she would absolutely not accompany me to something ‘like that.’
“Long story short, under extreme pressure from my parents and no resources of my own, I had the kid and kept him (he’s 10 now). He’s an awesome kid and I love him a lot, but I’ve never truly felt like a mother. He lives with his dad [he sued me for custody and won] and stepmom and two little brothers about five hours away from me. I see him on holidays and a couple times throughout the summer. Don’t get me wrong, I fucking love that kid and he’s awesome, I’ve just never felt like I was cut out to be a mother, and embracing mom life never came naturally to me.
“I’ve felt a lot of shame and guilt about it over the years, but I’m at peace with it now. Feel free to judge me, I won’t be bothered.” -Â Roger_Klotz_Day
“I was going through a divorce at the time from my spouse having a mental breakdown and ending up in the hospital from trying to commit suicide. He tried cutting his wrists in front of me many times because he said, ‘You hate me so much, maybe this’ll make you happy.’
“I found out I was pregnant shortly after he decided to move everything he owned out of the apartment. I was told from a young age that I was not going to ever be able to have children due to a half formed uterus. I was already starving trying to afford our apartment on only my own money. After I called the Planned Parenthood in my city, I couldn’t afford a medical abortion and still eat, but made too much money to qualify for assistance. So I waited. I picked up as many shifts as I could and saved up a quarter of the money I would need for an abortion from a clinic nearly four hours away. When I made the appointment, I thought I still had a couple weeks left to get the abortion. I made plans for the drive, borrowed my mother in law’s credit card to pay for medical bills and told her I had to have some test for my heart that my insurance wouldn’t pay for even though it was ‘medically necessary.’ (She was a heavily religious baptist. So I lied. She didn’t blame me for anything going on with her son and still treats me like her own daughter almost 7 years later.)
“I made the drive alone and drove past the line of protestors to the clinic. Had them scream and yell at me from the sidewalks as I walked in. I was frisked and emptied my pockets and left my purse in the car. Abortion clinics are dangerous places. I had to be examined and shown all the requisite materials and listen to the baby’s heartbeat and come back the next day.
“In the examination room I was told I was farther along than I had originally calculated and they could not legally help me.
“My ex-spouse and I ended up giving up the baby through an adoption agency that helped me pay bills and feed me through my eighth and ninth month. The adoption was closed because I already felt like my heart was in pieces and did not want to shatter it loving a baby that could never truly be mine.
“I never saw the adoptive parents or the baby.
“One of the strangest moments in the adoption process is choosing a family. I don’t know any of these people and I didn’t feel qualified to choose who deserved a baby more than any other family. It felt so contrived and I felt like less of a person for playing God with these families even if they never knew I made the decision to pass them over.
“I spent a lot of time in bed when I was not constantly at work. I didn’t really eat well if I ate at all. The adoption agent called me every day to check on me after she noticed how hard of a time I was having. In order to get through the days, I tried to form a routine down to the minute and even watched the same movie every night because it gave me comfort.
“Now thinking back on it, there’s some blank spots. Moments in time where it feels like I just disappeared, but I know I lived through that part in my life.
“The only memory that sticks out sharp is every line in the movie Forrest Gump, but that comes from seeing it close to 180 times.” -Â Minariku
“I didn’t have the money for an abortion. I was broke, sleeping on my friend’s couches, didn’t have a car or a job. The father (whom I’d been dating for ~2 months), said he’d pay. He didn’t. I was miserable. I had violent morning sickness until I was five months [along], like 7-10x a day, which hindered my ability to find a job.
“The father wanted the child, so adoption wasn’t an option. He was an alcoholic mess, he never would have successfully raised a child on his own. I was still planning to leave the child with him.
“Then I had preeclampsia and a c-section. I didn’t bond with my son at all in the hospital, but he ended up coming home with me to my grandmother’s house. Dad didn’t get paternity leave [so I]Â had no help. That first night at ‘home’ with my son, I hobbled to him in the middle of the night and fed him and realized this was mine. He was my responsibility, I brought him into the world and needed to be responsible for this little five-pound baby because no one else would.
“He’s six now. He’s low functioning autistic. I still wouldn’t change anything. He’s my main source of happiness in life, as someone who has had clinical depression for over a decade. He’s a sweet, affectionate, bright child and my main motivation to better myself in life.” -Â someharlot
“I was 17 when an ex showed up for my best friend’s birthday on a shiny new motorcycle. He offered me a ride on it and of course I said yes.
“He told me he was taking me to his friend’s house to hang out. I wasn’t up to it much, but said okay anyways. Little did I know, it was an hour away. It started to get late and I asked him to take me home. He refused. I thought he was joking…he wasn’t. We (unsuccessfully) slept in a park, a football stadium, and around 4 am he snuck me into his parents’ home. (Before you ask, I did not have a phone to call anyone).
“I didn’t want to have sex. I wanted the night to be over. I wanted to go home. We weren’t together. He forced himself on me. I said no. I pushed him off, etc. Nothing worked and I was too tired to fight back anymore. I let him have his way. I was on birth control. That morning I went to get the morning after pill around 10 am.
“Three months later I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified. I wasn’t ready. I wanted an abortion. When I finally told my mom, she said she would disown me if I did. She convinced me not to do it. Plus, I didn’t have the funds.
“She’s five years old now and beautiful. Friday I’m taking her father back to court to get child support and the majority of custody.
“Sometimes I still feel resentment for him taking my life away from me. Others I’m very grateful to have raised such a wonderful little girl.” -Â ParentingTheDevils
These might seem like extreme cases, and maybe they are, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that this could really happen to anybody under similar circumstances. Sometimes advising someone to “use protection” isn’t enough. If you or someone you know is in a similar predicament, there is a site that provides funding for girls who can’t afford abortions. Many of the women who told their stories wished they had known about it when they were pregnant. And, as always, stay informed ‘lil bbs.