A New Study Confirms That Dirtbag Guys Are Weirdly Hot

Take any hot guy and add a cigarette, a rocks glass full of whiskey, and some third-day scruff, and he becomes exponentially hotter. This is a universal truth.

But why? Cigarettes cause cancer, whiskey causes idiotic behavior, and a scruffy face doesn’t fly in most respectable jobs. You’d think these things would make a guy look less hot. In fact, you might even call a guy who hits this trifecta a dirtbag. A hot one, but still.

A new study confirms, though, that risky behaviors like smoking and drinking really do increase a guy’s hotness factor. The study is hilariously called “The Young Male Cigarette and Alcohol Syndrome: Smoking and Drinking as a Short-Term Mating Strategy,” and it basically found that risky, dangerous behaviors like drinking and smoking can actually help a guy get laid.

Of course, anyone who’s ever had a tipsy one night stand might say this is just beer goggles at work. If a guy’s drinking, chances are he’s surrounded by other drunk people who are DTF.

But Broadly interviewed masculinity expert Tristan Bridges about the study, and he says it’s all about manliness. Moderately risky behaviors like smoking and drinking are a way for men to safely show their masculinity. Women don’t inherently find smoking and drinking hot, but somewhere down the line we started associating those behaviors with manliness, so they turn us on.

This is great news for dudes who can’t get laid: just grab a cigarette and a pint of beer and the girls will come flocking, maybe.

What this doesn’t explain, though, is why some dudes are weirdly turned on when women engage in these behaviors. Haven’t you ever ordered a beer at a bar only to see the guys around you act weirdly impressed because you’re doing something that isn’t considered feminine? If women like it when guys do manly things, why do guys like it when women act like men? No guy gets all hot and bothered when I order a gluten-free vegan skinny cosmopolitan at the bar. Instead it just pisses them off.

That’s another conversation for another day, though. For now, let’s just continue to marvel at the mystifying hotness of a guy who can hold his whiskey.

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