What it Means if Your BF Can’t Say “I Love You,” According to Guys
We’re not sure why or how, but somewhere down the line saying “I love you,” became a big deal.
Blame it on Hollywood hyping it up, or blame it on our generation’s aversion to “catching feelings.” But people generally don’t throw around the L-word with the same enthusiasm that they throw around nudes on Snapchat.
Because of this, it’s natural to expect a dude to wait at least a good amount of time before he professes his love for you. But if you’ve both been dating for a long-ass time and you’re totally ready to say those three little words but he doesn’t seem to be, it could be an issue.
You may defend your man and reason with yourself that he’s “scared” to say it. Maybe he’s like how Chuck Bass was in Gossip Girl when even after constant begging from Blair, he couldn’t say it, but he’ll show it in other ways, so it’s fine.
I’m not sure how recently you’ve watched Gossip Girl, but let me jog your memory. Chuck fucks up Blair’s life for six whole seasons of bullshit before he can finally say it!
But regardless of over-dramatic teen sitcoms on The CW, guys confirm that if a guy can’t say it because he’s “scared,” he probs just doesn’t feel that way about you.
A Reddit user aptly named Whatthefuckiswrong asked men, “The L-word can be scary, what are some ways guys say I love you without actually saying it?”
Instead of getting the answers you would expect, such as “always being there for her,” or “going down on her every night,” the user gets absolutely shit on.
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“What kind of insecure coward is afraid of that kind of shit? It’s always the most ‘alpha’ and ‘macho’ guys who are most afraid of harnessing emotional intelligence and power,” said Reddit user Dajbman22.
And although that was a little harsh, he’s kind of right. Other users echoed similar questions about why the user was so scared of saying the word “love.”
“Uh? What’s so scary about telling someone something really nice?” asked Reddit user A-Deo-et-Rege.
Other men on the thread proposed that if you’re “scared” to say it, it’s probably because you don’t actually know if you mean it.
“If he’s not saying that he loves you then he doesn’t really love you yet,” says Reddit user wtknight. “He might be incredibly fond of you, but that’s not really the same thing.”
Another user, Theodoros9, says trying to justify a dude’s silence with his good actions is kind of pathetic, sorry.
“This sounds like a bit of a sad way into thinking he’s said he loves you,” he says.
On the other side of things, a dude saying he loves you but treating you like shit is no better, and the L-word is never an excuse for bad behavior. A partner can definitely “show” he loves you in other ways, and we’d argue that actions are way more important than words.
But at the same time, a guy whose excuse for not saying he loves you is that he’s “scared,” is just as bad as a guy who says he’s “complicated.” If he’s scared to say three words out loud, he’s not worth your time, or he just doesn’t love you. Sorry for being harsh, but it’s time for you to stop wasting your time — and your feelings.