6 Ways Hillary Clinton Is a Total Scorpio
Before Hillary Clinton will (hopefully) celebrate her victory as president two weeks from now, she’s celebrating her b-day today.
Or maybe she’s not celebrating because she’s campaigning and birthdays stop being a big deal once you turn 21, but whatevs. I mean, she’s turning 69, that’s kind of an important number depending on what you’re into.
In case you didn’t realize, Hil’s birthday is in Scorpio season, a.k.a. she’s one of the baddest bitches of the entire astrologicalÂ calendar (not like I’m biased or anything).
Hillary is such a god damn Scorpio too.Â Here’s why.
1. SheÂ Keeps Her Emotions On The DL
While Scorpios aren’t cold-hearted (they’re secretly super emosh), they don’t let their emotions show. They cringe at people who air out their dirty laundry on FacebookÂ while they contently keep all their emotions to themselves. As a politician, Hillary has even more reason to keep her personal life to herself rather than give angry Republican gossip columns like Breitbart something to write about. Good thing it comes naturally to her!
2. She’s Kinky AF
Did we mention that Hillary is turning 69? Nice, right? Sure, everyone turns 69 eventually, but it’s still such a Scorpio thang since they’re known to be one of the kinkiest signs.
She also clearly DGAF about Bill’s infidelity, showing that she might be attuned to the idea of open relationships, or just chill about the whole thing regardless.
There are also those rumors about her own sexuality that weâ€™re too classy to get into here, but Hillary is def not a snooze when it comes to sex, ya feel? People like to act likeÂ she’s frigid, but we think she’s hiding aÂ freak flag under all those pantsuits.
3. She’s Stubborn, But in a Good Way
It takes a special type of woman to say fuck the patriarchy and prove that a woman can (finally) take on the role of U.S. president. And that special type of person is a Scorpio. After all, they’re one of the more stubborn signs, but only because they know what they want andÂ will do anything it takes to get it.
4. She’s Faithful
Haters love to say that Hillary is weak because she stayed with Bill after he cheated on her. But the real answer is in the stars. Hil’s faithful, which is not a bad thing. Sure, you shouldn’t stay with your boyfriend of a month when he cheats on you with your sister, but when you marry someone it’s a different story. Hil’s all about being loyal, and instead of flying the coop at the first sign of discord, she stuck around and made things work. It’s not for everyone and we’re not saying this is what you should do, but it’s what she did and it’s v Scorpionic.
5. She’s Focused
Okay, while we’ll admit that all three debates were kind of shit shows, at least Hillary attempted to discuss the topic at hand rather than engaging in the insult-war waged by Trump as if we were in an episode of Mean Girls.
GaneshaSpeaks.com explains that, “if a Scorpio-born has decided on something, itâ€™s almost impossible to divert them from their path.” Hm…kind of like the presidency? Yeah?
6. She Wants Revenge
Scorpio’s are naturally resentful. That shitty comment you tweeted about Hillary in 1996? She remembers it. JK, she probs doesn’t, but she probably does remember all the pathetic attempts at insults that Trump throws at her. But she’ll get her revenge, like a true Scorpio, when she shows his ass up at the polls on November 8th, because it’s still Scorpio season on election day!
Sorry Donald, you broke, go back with the other two-faced Geminis!