Why “elite” dating apps are not worth your time
By now, there are a million elite dating apps – from Raya to The League to Tinder Select.
They’re marketed as the dating app option for hot, cool people with money, a way to get rid of all the losers messaging you “what’s up sexy” from their mom’s basement. For men, it’s sold as a way to avoid the ever-feared gold diggers (insert eyeroll here) without compromising their hopes for a super model doppelganger.
But if you’ve been on an elite dating app before, you’ve probably felt a little gipped. You know, like when you wait in line to get into an awesome club only to find it overwhelmingly empty, smelly, and boring?
That’s because elite dating apps aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Take it from Jasmine Diaz, an LA based matchmaker who says to swipe left on any “exclusive” dating app. Here’s why.
All the guys are too cocky
One thing a friend of mine has noticed is that Raya guys definitely are different from the desperate dudes of Tinder, but not necessarily in a good way. She’d get excited about matching with some D-list celebrity (as we all would), she’d wait for them to message her, and then after a few days of hearing nothing, she’d drunkenly initiate a convo.
You’d think that if a semi-celeb chose to match with a girl in the first place, he’d at least respond if he wasn’t going to message her first – but he didn’t. And this happened with two guys!
I know every guy reading this is going to be like, “this is exactly what girls do to me on Tinder,” and they might not be wrong. But if you don’t want to deal with that, don’t bother with elite dating apps.
They can’t filter out douchebags – far from it
Elite dating apps may be able to find conventionally good looking people with good jobs and fat paychecks, but it can’t filter out people who consistently ghost, or people who are bad in bed, or people who are emotionally abusive.
You might spend less time swiping to find a guy who’s hot, but you’ll spend just as much time dealing with assholes, fuckboys, and more. In fact, I’d argue that any guy who thinks he deserves to be on an elite dating app has built-in douchebag characteristics, so you’ll probably find even more finance bro types on “hard to get into” apps.
You become your résumé
People argue that dating apps suck because they’re very superficial. On many, you’re only judging people on their looks. Which yeah, is shallow, but so is dating IRL.
The problem with elite dating apps is they’re shallow about more than looks. Like, you may pass by some ugly guy on Tinder Select, but when you see that his job is listed as “Director of Sales at Louis Vuitton” you might entertain the idea of one date in hopes of an LV friends and family discount code.
Don’t scream gold digger at me, it’s just a natural thought anyone would have. I’m just saying, you might waste your time with people that you don’t even find attractive in the first place because they have a cool job or went to an ivy league.
“Dating apps in general kind of make you your résumé,” says Jasmine. “I’m this tall, this is what I look like, this is what I do for a living. This is my car, my profile picture, so you know that I can afford that.”
And it ratchets up even more with elite apps.
“The problem with [elite apps] is people feed into that nature of status,” says Jasmine. “And the status component is mostly what these people are trying to avoid. They’re not looking for people who have large Instagram followers. They just want a little sense of normalcy in their dating experiences, so I don’t think it’s a really great avenue for that if you are someone who is saying, ‘I’m just looking for someone who likes me for me.'”
This is a good point. And if a guy is looking for a girl who wants him for his fancy cars or bank account, it means that he probably is a shit head with nothing else to offer! Not to mention he thinks women can be bought!
You probably already have “dating app PTSD”
Chances are, if you’ve felt the need to apply to an elite dating app, you’ve already tried a more average dating app like Tinder or Bumble. Nothing wrong with trying out different apps, but unfortunately, the results are probably going to be the same. Plus, there’s a good chance you’re already exhausted from your time on Tinder and you’d actually benefit from deleting all dating apps completely rather than downloading a new one in search of finding bae this time around.
Tons of studies have shown that using dating apps can actually make you more lonely. Maybe instead of needing a more exclusive dating app pool, you just need a break.
It’s still all the same people
Speaking of dating PTSD, you’re not the only one who has it. In fact, if you’re turning to Raya after being bored of Tinder, you’re def not alone. Chances are, once you get accepted to whatever “elite” app you’ve chosen, you’re going to swipe around and see a bunch of familiar faces.
“It’s the same people going to these new apps because they’re realizing they’re not finding something on Bumble, so they’re going to Tinder Select and finding the same people and having the same problem,” says Jasmine. “It’s almost like recycling singles.”
She’s right, the “niche” apps aren’t really that much better than the standard ones, except in a few cases.
“What I like about Bumble is that it’s for women really,” says Jasmine. “The power is in females’ hands and allows her to choose and make the first move as opposed to waiting for a gentleman to do all of the moving. I think for someone who is used to being in charge and likes having the power, a service like that would be really great.”