What Your Go-To Tailgate Outfit Says About You

Figuring out an outfit to wear to fashion week is hard, but figuring out the perfect tailgate outfit is harder.

Do you want to go for a chill, bro vibe and wear your ex-BF’s jersey? Or do you wanna impress that cute guy who invited you to his tailgate by rocking your new bodysuit that just happens to be the team colors?

Your tailgate outfit can say a lot about you even before you shotgun a beer and start yelling about how much you love day drinking. Here’s what yours means.

1. Borrowed From The Boys

Wet Paint

You’re not trying to get laid today, you’re just trying to get hammered and not worry about your tit falling out of a low-cut tank top. Maybe you have a boyfriend and you’re rocking his jersey to give off the “I have a BF with a bigger dick than you so stay away” message, or maybe you’re single and just not trying to have to swat away 30 fraternity fuckboys today.

Either way, you’re probs going to chug a box of wine in the car on the way over, then proceed to drink as many Natty Lights as you can before you end up still being slutty despite your covered-up ensemble.

2. Thotty Team Colors

You’re all about jerseys and team colors, but you’re not all about the boxy t-shirt look that hides your awesome bod. Plus you’re trying to get laid and take cute Instagram pics as thirst traps later.

So instead of a jersey, you just buy a slutty crop top in your team’s color. It’s still spirited, but way more versatile. You’ll probably end up at a random tailgate party sitting on some dude’s lap only to realize that he’s the owner of the entire team. Oh sweet, you found yourself a sugar daddy. Cheers to that.

3. Girly Versions of Team Apparel

Hook em. #tailgate #texas #ATX #longhorns #hookem #UT #football

A photo posted by Kellie Joy (@kelliekies) on

Your parents still pay for your clothes, so you hit up Victoria’s Secret PINK to buy all the cute team-spirit apparel in trendy cuts so you’d be able to be the most spirited betch at the tailgate but also not look amorphous.

You’ll spend the first half of the tailgate taking Snapchat selfies and spend the second half pining for your ex-boyfriend who appears to be flirting with some bitch from the rival team. You’ll probs cry on the ride home and maybe roll in the dirt a couple of times while trying to get back to your apartment. Good thing you can just buy another shirt for the next game.

4. No Team Colors Whatsoever

Do you even go here #jmufootball #tailgate

A photo posted by Meghan Marie (@megmarie_93) on

Do you think you’re cool or something? Oh wait, of course you do. Either you’re just too cool to have team spirit, or you’re one of those girls who “only wears neutrals.” Switzerland is neutral too, and nobody gives a fuck about Switzerland. Pick a team and find a hot guy to give you a jersey, then you don’t even have to spend money on not being a party pooper.

5. Tea Party Chic

You prefer to follow the crowd, no need to draw attention to yourself or be blacklisted from your sorority. If your roomie says everyone wears a Lilly Pulitzer dress to the game, I guess you’re going to have to wear a Lilly Pulitzer dress to the game (or that cheap knock-off you got from Forever 21).

Never mind the fact that expensive and lightly colored dresses are the worst thing to wear when you’re trying to black out, climb into pick-up trucks, and do keg stands. You’d rather be impractical than have every blonde bitch in the area throw their Jack Rogers sandals at you.

6. Thotty Creativity

#hookem #hookemhorns #ut #austin #texas #football #sunday #selfie #friends #fun #tailgate

A photo posted by RachelMassey (@rachh_mass) on

Anyone can buy a crop top in a faded orange to tailgate for a UT game, but it takes a special breed of thot to find a way to make traditional UT merch sexy. @rachh_mass seems to have wrapped a scarf around her tits to make a cropped tube top of sorts, and we’re all for it. You’re the type of girl who was into BDSM before 50 Shades made it mainstream. Your favorite holiday is Halloween, and you only go to football games for an excuse to eat hot wings and get drunk before noon.

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