The Thotty Girl’s Guide To Puerto Rico Bars

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Looking for a spring break spot where you won’t have to use your shitty fake ID but you also won’t be bombarded by hammered frat guys trying to get laid? Look no further than Puerto Rico.

Puerto Rico is the perfect tropical vacation spot because unlike some islands, Puerto Rico is actually reasonably urban and has a good bar/club scene. As a bonus, the drinking age is 18, so you don’t have to worry about your one friend with a shitty fake.

Nazli Rodriguez, who’s born and raised in Puerto Rico and loves to party, devised this list of the best places to get lit so you don’t end up at a creepy dive bar or a tourist trap. You can thank her later.

1. Papi Joe’s Bar (Old San Juan)


Papi Joe’s is the bar to go to if you like your shots and you like to gamble. The music is usually either Latin or techno, depending on the weekend. The most Instagram and turn-up worthy part of this bar is the shot wheel.

2. Lupulo (Old San Juan)

La Taberna Lupulo

If shots aren’t your thang, but you love a good brew, this is the perfect place for you. Lots of foreign and exotic craft beers are on tap and available for tasting, as well as your regular old Bud Light if you’re a broke bitch. This place is more of a chill, hipster-type hang-out spot, so you might be a little out of place if you order 10 Patrón shots and start singing “Shots” like Lil’ Jon, just saying.

3. Brava Night Club (Isla Verde)


Isla Verde is a great beach spot during the day to work on your tan. It also hosts one of PR’s best nightclubs. Unfortunately, Brava is only open Thursday-Saturday, so make sure that you save a night to hit it up. And check if they have a “theme” that night — it could be anything from “Old School” to “Ladies Night.”

If you’re feeling flossy, you can buy a table. If you’re feeling broke, you can go before 11 on “Ladies Night.” You can also jump on the stage when it gets full and show off your moves.

If you’re trying to pregame, go to Jimmy’s BBQ on the top floor of the hotel and get a drink before going in with your friends. When I say a drink, I mean get the giant fish bowl to share between your group. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

PS: If you’re going with dudes, make sure they don’t wear sandals or shorts, even if they’re designer or whatevs, because they won’t get in.

4. La Cubanita (Old San Juan)


If you’re missing the thousands of speakeasys in NYC, have no fear, Puerto Rico has their own. You can enter La Cubanita through the little shop out front which will eventually lead you to the bar in the back and potentially to the other bars that are hidden.

The drinks are cheap, and they randomly sell gum if you have taco breath from earlier. My personal experience is that the more drunk you are when you go, the more bars you end up finding within.

5. La Placita (Santurce)


If you’re tryna go bar hopping like the locals (and find a cute Puerto Rican dude to makeout with), this is your spot. The locals call it “La Placita” because of the historical background, but all you need to know is that it’s the place to eat and drink all day/night long. The strip of bars all have different specials depending on the day, so do some research if you’re trying to get the best deals.

6. Bonus Getaway: Mar Chiquita (Manati)

The English translation, which is “petite beach,” says it all. This is a small beach that is located in Manati, PR where you can go for a day trip. Trust me, you’ll fall in love with it. There’s even a cute authentic beach bar and local food on the weekends. The view is to die for, and it’ll be a great place to rest your hangover away. Plus, who doesn’t love a locals only beach?

Just FYI, like many countries south of the US, Zika has been reported in PR, so do your research and stay safe before planning a trip!

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