7 Things You Need To Know About Spring Break Hook ups!
When you’re in college and you hear the words “spring break,” what comes to mind? Maybe PCB, Cancun? Beer-bongs, tequila shots? Wet t-shirt contests and foam parties? Oh yeah, and hooking up- lots of it, or at least all the bros packing a Costco-size box of condoms hope so. The problem with getting steamy on spring break is that you likely don’t have your own room (unless your dad is the inventor of toaster strudel and/or you have some type of medical disorder). We’re also pretty sure that your best gal-pal that you’re sharing a bed with isn’t going to be too hyped if you get busy in it while she’s out sunning by the pool, or worse, if you drunkenly let a guy stay over and she has to crash on the floor. Another problem is that you’re likely incoherent for the majority of the trip and/or in a foreign country with no cell service, morals, dignity, etc… Don’t worry though, we’re here to save you. Here are 7 things you need to know about spring break sex!
1. Hooking up On The Beach Is Not Romantic
When did this become a fantasy for girls? Sure, I’m all for the thrill of somebody walking by while you’re doing the deed, but not so much for the thrill of waking up with sand in my V. Sand is annoying enough when you’re laying on a towel trying to get your bronze on, pretty sure it’s not the thing you’ve been missing in your sex life.
2. Master The Art Of The Post-Sex Sighting
If you’re staying on a resort or in a small beach town, there’s a decent chance you might see your “Casanova” again. Don’t be that awkward chick that has to hide under the breakfast buffet to avoid making eye contact with last night’s hook up. It’s spring break, everyone is doing dumb shit. If you’re lucky, he might not even remember what you look like!
3. Keep Your Friends In The Loop
On the off-chance that your friends are actually somewhat coherent enough to realize that you’ve been missing for 24 hours, they might worry. Little do they know, you’ve been passed out on the beach with a Latin surf-instructor for 12 of those hours, but you could’ve just as easily been taken by Mexican sex traffickers. Try to remember to give your loyal pals a heads up when you’re venturing off without them, it’ll save you both a lot of trouble (and it’s always a good idea for safety purposes).
4. Don’t Get Wifey
Okay, maybe in that one Mary Kate & Ashley movie they both meet total hotties that end up being their soul-mates/pen pals for years. But you’re a college chick on spring break…guys have two things on their mind: booze and bums. Don’t ruin your vacation by worrying about the guy who fingered you on the dance floor the first night and hasn’t acknowledged you since- you’ll get over it.
5. Language Barriers Don’t Exist
It’s TOTALLY okay if the hottie you’ve been eyeing doesn’t speak a word of English, we all know why you’re both here anyways. The less he talks, the less you’ll realize what db he actually is, and you can leave Spring Break thinking that he’s still a perfect specimen of man.
6. Safe is Great!
It’s kind of like in The Hangover when the dad says, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, except for herpes, that shit will come back with you.” Need I say more?
7. Let The Boys Come To You
Last time I was in Cancun, me and my friends couldn’t even go to breakfast without getting hit-on. I’m pretty sure some of these dudes have a bet going to see who can f*** the most spring break-bum or something. Regardless, you really don’t need to worry about if you’re going to get laid or not. Have a good time with your girls while looking bomb af in the process, and I can guarantee that you’ll get your pick of the sun-burnt biceps.