7 signs that your latest crush might have a tiny d*ck
There’s nothing wrong with having a tiny dick. There really isn’t. More specifically, there’s nothing wrong with having a man with a tiny dick. Good guys are few and far between, so if you find a dude that’s a 10 in the face, responds to your text messages promptly, and gives great head, who really cares if his dick is on the below average side?
But even if you love small dicks (they’re great for anal), it’s nice to know what you’re working with beforehand so you don’t expect a porn-star dong and get surprised with an inch-worm, right? If for no other reason than this: no one wants to see shock and disappointment on their partner’s face the first time they get down. It’s called having manners, people.
So we’ve polled a bunch of connoisseurs for the telltale signs of a not-that-big member. Before you take this list too seriously, just remember that there is no scientific evidence backing it, it’s simply based on observations from our readers and other cool dick loving babes on the internet. The only way to really find out about your date’s dick size is to go explore for yourself, Nancy Drew style.
1. He’s A Giver
There’s a reason why some girls swear by guys with smaller dicks, and this might be the reason.
Remember in Van Wilder when one of his friends is hooking up with that chick and instead of letting him go down on her she says “let me take care of you” and just gives him head? He thinks it’s awesome, but then suddenly starts worrying that she has a dick and she’s trying to hide it.
The bro-ey transphobia of this scene aside, this is kind of like how guys with small dicks work. Unlike every other dude who tries to get inside of you ASAP, this guy takes his time. He doesn’t pressure you to have sex, and he for sure isn’t pulling the oh-so-subtle pushing your head down maneuver in his vain attempt at getting a BJ. Nope, a guy with a small dick isn’t in a hurry to show it off, and because of that, he’ll take his time with the foreplay. Specifically, foreplay focused on your genitals rather than his. Oh yeah, he’s also awesome at giving head.
2. He’s a Relationship Guy
Some players will show their dick to any lady that gives them the time of day. But if a guy is self-conscious about his cock, he might not want to show it to a new girl every Friday night. By being a “relationship guy” he only has to unveil his little dickins to one girl who’ll probs learn to love it and soothe all his worries… until they break up and he has to repeat the process all over again.
3. He Wears Boxers Under His Swim Trunks
First off, any guy who wears boxers under his swim trunks really needs to be arrested by the fashion police. Second off, according to a dude on Hypebeast, the reason guys wear boxers under their trunks is to hide the outline of their tiny dick. Who knew?
4. Overcompensating
It’s the age-old “overcompensating” joke, and while it’s not always true, sometimes it is. Maybe you matched with a new guy on Bumble that has a Porsche, is ridiculously ripped, and posts Snapchats of either his bod or his fancy things (e.g.: Rolex) every two seconds. It might be that he’s a cocky rich asshole like every other guy in NYC, but it could also mean that he’s buying big cars and big watches to make up for something else he has that isn’t very big.
5. His Dick Is Found Elsewhere
Sometimes if a guy isn’t packing a big dick in the pants, he packs a big dick elsewhere – like, he acts like one.
Listen dude, we’re sorry the genetic gods didn’t bless you with a 12-inch pecker, but no chick really wants that anyway. Stop letting your small dick ruin your life and stop being an asshole to girls as a defense mechanism.
6. He Never Asks For Pics
A guy that doesn’t ask for pics ever is a gem. And no, it doesn’t count if he pulls the whole “I just want to see your face” lie.
Maybe, just maybe, this guy really respects women and realizing that they’re not his personal cam girls or entertainment. Or maybe, he has a small dick and isn’t asking for pics in fear that you’ll ask for one back. Good luck finding out which!
7. He Has An Inflated Ego, Plus A Defensive Personality
This winning personality combo argues strongly for MPD, aka micro-penis disorder. You’ve surely come across one of these dudes at the club, on Tinder, or in the workplace. He’s the traditional cocky asshole that always talks about how many models he fucks, how big his house is, and posts Instagram photos of yacht parties on the reg.
This could almost be confused with #4, but you’ll spot the difference once he hits on you and you reject him. Instead of taking it like a man or being chill, he’ll suddenly get angry and defensive. When you say you’re not interested in attending his yacht party with him, he’ll go off. Saying things like “Whatever, I was doing you a favor. I have way hotter girls to take on the yacht anyway. I guess your bikini body isn’t ready, I should’ve known. Have fun sitting at home with your cat.” This is the type of guy that has really let his small dick fuck with his head. Like c’mon man, small dicks aren’t even bad, get over your masculinity issues and learn how to use that small dick to your advantage.
