7 Terrible Fashion Sins Guys Will Definitely Commit This Summer
In case you weren’t aware, straight guys aren’t exactly the most fashion savvy group out there. While there are certainly exceptions to this rule, the majority of dudes look like total idiots when they try to put together their own look without the help of a salesperson or their mom.
You’d think that dressing for the summertime would be easy enough, after all, how can you go wrong with a pair of swim trunks? But guys have still managed to mess this one up. Send this list to your boo who’s still rocking drawstring board shorts like it’s the 90s or wearing flip-flops to the bar.
1. Boxers Under Board-shorts
After reading this Hypebeast forum asking dudes whether they go commando or not under their trunks, I realized something important about guys who wear boxers to the beach, and it’s that they probably have little peens. Seriously, a guy admitted it.
Not only do guys who wear boxers under their swim trunks look like idiots, but they are also trying to cover up their tiny junk. Just like pre-teen girls with smaller boobs opt for padded bikini tops, guys with a small package apparently wear boxers to hide the outline of their small D from showing through their thin swimsuit.
Another dude said that he wore boxers because he gets “too much attention” from girls when they see the big outline of his D, which is fair, I guess. After going to the beach with my BF and my family this weekend he had the same concerns about his one-eyed monster. But c’mon, it’s the fucking beach. Girls’ nipples are out half the time and so are their pubes unless they’re a perfectly waxed VS model. The golden rule is this: guys can make up for having a small D, but they can’t make up for wearing boxers to the beach.
2. Capri Swim Trunks
Contrary to popular male belief, it’s no longer trendy to wear the drawstring-waist, below-the-knee style shorts of the early 2000s. You look like you’re wearing gaucho pants. You also are making yourself look way shorter and stumpier and chode-like, which really isn’t a good look for anyone. If you had to choose on extreme for your beach wear, I’d say Speedos still trump these long board short things that should’ve been burned along with trucker caps.
Okay, we’re pretty sure these two British reality stars are only rocking these asymmetrical thongs by Inderwear because they were paid to, but you never know when some buff party boy is going to lose a bet and have to wear one of these to your local pool. If not one of these, perhaps it’s a Borat suit. Either way, it’ll prob make you disgusted and slightly turned on at the same time.
4. Flip Flops Anywhere But The Beach
Now that we’re done with barely there denim-skirts and bedazzled wife beaters, flip-flops have also been past their glory days for some time. While women like Jennifer Aniston can still occasionally get away with it, guys absolutely cannot.
Seriously, the only place a guy should ever wear flip-flops is the beach. Seeing a guy’s nasty, hairy toes with a thong wedged between them is a sight that we women can only truly handle when obscured by sand and the smell of the nearby ocean.
5. The Farmer’s Tan
What is it with dudes’ aversion to sunblock? I know it’s not “manly” to stock any sort of lotion in your apartment, let alone rub it on your body constantly; but do guys realize how dumb they look with a farmer’s tan or even worse, a farmer’s burn?
DILF Marky Mark is only a slight offender considering his farmer’s tan isn’t too horrible and his pectoral muscles make up for it, but not all non-celebs are as lucky as Wahlberg.
6. Swimming In a Shirt
Guys expect chicks to bare it all in tiny bikinis on the beach, so why do guys think it’s okay when they hide their dad-bods under a T-shirt while not only on the beach, but in the water?
Sorry dudes, but your now see-through T-shirt isn’t hiding much, and you’re only drawing more attention to your non-toned body. If you’re that self-conscious about your beer belly, go to the gym.
7. Bonus: Wearing Boxers Instead Of Swim Trunks
Guys who wear boxers under their swim trunks are serious fashion offenders, but what about dudes who want to be like Justin Bieber and wear boxers instead of swim trunks? We hope Biebz didn’t start a trend, because we really don’t need to see guys in see-through tighty-whities all summer, and Beliebers on the beach aren’t getting paid to rock CK like Justin is. See more photos of Biebz in his undaroos while wake-boarding here.