An Expert Explains How Much Time You Should Spend With Bae
In the “honeymoon phase” of a new relationship, you and your partner want to spend every waking second together. Every night is a sleepover, you get way too comfortable with each other, your errands become his errands and his clothes become your clothes.
When you’re with bae, everything is awesome. Then, you check your phone and realize you haven’t seen your BFF in three weeks. You also start craving alone time and thinking that this whole sex every day thing might be starting to take a toll.
You wonder, is there a prescribed amount of time that you should be spending with your boo? Or, is there an amount of time designated as “too much time” together? We spoke with Carmelia Ray, host of Myx TV’s “Mom vs. Matchmaker” and professional dating coach, and Candace Smith of “Million Dollar Matchmaker” about how much time is too much, and how to create a healthy life balance when you’re smitten with your boo.
The Magic Number: Twice A Week
Both Carmelia and Candace suggested twice a week as a “sweet spot” for healthy relationship-life balance.
“My personal suggestion is that new couples limit dates to once or twice a week unless they’re planning a fun weekend getaway,” says Carmelia. “Couples should also take note of their daily contact, in addition to physical time spent together. There isn’t an exact formula, but couples who are newly dating should be mindful if other areas of their life are suffering as a result of their new focus.”
“If you are living in proximity to one another and have a lot of free time, it’s best to limit it to twice a week until the relationship is ready for the next step,” says Candace.
Obviously, every relationship is different. So twice a week isn’t a hard and fast law, but it’s definitely something to keep in mind when you want to see bae everyday but your work, social, or academic life is suffering as a result.
“Play hooky from real life in moderation,” says Carmelia. “Don’t forget that like with all fabulous vacations, the real world will be waiting for your return. Friends and work will be much more forgiving if you stay in touch during your time ‘away.'”
“Deciding how much quality time you should spend with your partner in a week really depends on a lot of factors including your career, schedule, and lifestyle,” explains Candace. “If you know one of you will be traveling soon for an extended period of time, it’s good to load up on the quality time prior to the distance.”
While you’d think that lots of time with your man would equal a stronger bond and happiness, too much time together early on can actually harm your relationship in the future.
“A new couple who spends all their free time together sets an expectation early on that they’ll always spend that much time together,” explains Carmelia. “This picture is often unrealistic. When the initial excitement fades, couples return to their regular routine of work, friends, and responsibilities. This can cause one or both partners to feel insecure about the relationship because their time spent together is shrinking.”
You were probably already busy af before your fuck-buddy turned into your boyfriend. Now on top of school, work, and your friends, you have a boo thang to take up your time. You probably feel like you have to schedule every hour of your day for a certain activity or person, but make sure you’re giving yourself alone time too.
“It is always crucial in a new relationship to maintain balance so that you don’t lose yourself,” says Candace.
At the end of the day, no article is going to convince you to see your sexy boyfriend two times a week if you want to ride his dick every damn day. But, if you end up getting sick of him or realizing that you haven’t fed your pet turtle or seen your roommate in a week, just remember our warnings.
“It’s all too common for new couples to spend all their free time with their new love interest,” says Carmelia. “For some, those butterfly feelings can be addictive. Couples in the honeymoon phase are passionately motivated by their desire to spend time together. I always advise my clients to maintain a healthy balance of time spent between work, friends and family, personal time (a must) and getting to know your new boyfriend/girlfriend.”
“It’s important to continue nurturing your relationships with friends and family and exploring life,” says Candace. “This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the ‘honeymoon period’ and crush hard on your new love interest. Just remember who you were when you met and don’t lose the essence of ‘you.'”