A Strongly Worded Letter To The Girl That Ditched Her BFF For Her BF
Remember when we used to, like, actually…hang out? I would see you in person instead of in your #mancrushmonday posts on Instagram. We would split a bottle of Bacardi Dragon Berry and kill it before a crazy night at the bars. Sometimes we would go home with random guys, and sometimes we would go home with each other, because we were both single as f*ck.
But then…you had to meet him. It started innocently enough, just another guy buying you a vodka-soda at the bar and letting you go home with him to hit his bong (and probably hit something else, too). Then suddenly, he wasn’t just another guy, you were like…obsessed with him. Why? Don’t ask me. He was kind of cute, and didn’t have a drug addiction or a illegitimate child, but so were all the dudes you brought back with you. It’s not like he was f*cking Leonardo DiCaprio or something.
The more obsessed you got with him, the less obsessed you got with me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some psycho best friend, I got on just fine. I had other friends to get hammered with, and go to brunch with, and send ugly snapchats to. I mean, all of us got fine without you. Who’s us? By us, I mean the friends that you used to hangout with before you became more whipped than Anastasia in 50 Shades of Grey.
The worst part was that you would act like you were actually going to hang out with us occasionally. You’d commit to a girls night out, or a mani-pedi date, and then “something would come up” and you’d have to bail. What came up? Hm? I have a feeling it was your boyfriend’s cock.
We all sincerely hope you get married.
Honestly, we do. Sure, he’s not someone any of us would consider marrying, you guys fight all the time, and he seems to have some serious jealousy issues. But, we do hope you get married, because honestly if you two were to break-up, who on earth would you hang out with?
As much as I’d like to say that best friends means best friends forever, I think you subsequently cut all your best friends out of your life when you decided you wanted to be the most dedicated girlfriend in the world. When he breaks your heart, I hope you have someone’s shoulder to cry on. Because it won’t be mine.
Your Ex BFF
P.S. What ever happened to chicks before dicks?