Miley Cyrus has harsh words for stoners
In case you havenâ€™t heard, and you definitely have because she LOVES talking about it, Miley Cyrus, the former patron saint of marijuana, has quit smoking the devilâ€™s lettuce.
While in past interviews, sheâ€™s made sure to stress that marijuana is â€œa great thing for people,â€ now that itâ€™s been a minute, sheâ€™s starting to get harsher in her critiques of stoner culture.
So, as a warning to Miley-loving pot heads, what youâ€™re about to read may disturb you. You should probably spark up a J before reading.
On the same episode of Jimmy Fallon where Miley wore a non-disguise on the subway and fooled nobody into thinking she wasnâ€™t Miley Cyrus singing “Jolene” on the subway in a cheap wig, Miley made sure to hit her favorite talking point: why she doesnâ€™t smoke weed anymore.
Looking into Jimmyâ€™s eyes, Miley mentioned he kind of had something to do with it.
â€œMember the last time I was here?â€ Miley asked. â€œI was dressed as a bunny rabbit and then like a cat. Thereâ€™s a reason for that: I was high.â€
But then she kept on talking and it was clear that wasnâ€™t really the reason she stopped smoking weed.
â€œI had a dream that I would die during my monologue on â€˜SNLâ€™ for some reason, that I would just get so stoned that I just died,â€ Miley continued, adding, â€œwhich I Googled and thatâ€™s never happened.â€
Concerned, and perhaps sensing a good sound bite coming on, Jimmy asked, â€œHow much weed were you smoking?â€
â€œA lot of weed,â€ Miley replied, going on to make the bold claim that, â€œno oneâ€™s ever smoked as much as I did,â€ which just seems like a blatant lie. But since Miley never specified what â€œa lot of weedâ€ amounted to, weâ€™ll never know for sure. But letâ€™s be real, we can be sure about it. People have smoked more weed than Miley Cyrus. End of story.
And thatâ€™s when she metaphorically took off the gloves and started getting savage. Hereâ€™s what she said next:
â€I was just thinking, if I want to sit on this couch and really tell people what I think about my new music, I wanted to sound as smart as hopefully I, you know, think that I could be and really explain what Iâ€™m doing. And, you know, I really just want to sit at home and eat, basically, when Iâ€™m stoned. And play with my dogs and the cat and the pig. I was spending way too much time with the pig and not enough time actually doing really anything.â€
Alright, now letâ€™s unpack that for a minute. Hereâ€™s what I got from that:
Stoners are dumb and bad at talking.
Honestly, this oneâ€™s kind of true. Try taking a blunt to the face and then try having a conversation without losing your train of thought. You wonâ€™t be able to.
All stoners want to do when theyâ€™re high is sit on the couch and eat.
Again, this is not entirely untrue. Yes, people make sativa strains for a reason, and yes, itâ€™s possible to smoke and then go to Michaelâ€™s or collage with your friends outside, but again, letâ€™s be real. Most of the time, what do you want to do when you get stoned? You want to sit on the couch, eat, and watch something. Because after all, you canâ€™t really hold a conversation anyway.
And then she really drives it in at the end when she she says that when she was stoned, she didnâ€™t spend enough time doing â€œreally anything.â€
Because when youâ€™re stoned, itâ€™s easy to be content with your life. Itâ€™s easy to not get as much stuff as you want done, cuz youâ€™re hardcore chillin’ and having a good time doing it.
Either way, itâ€™s not what her stoner fans are gonna want to hear.
Fingers crossed Facebookâ€™s algorithm realizes that and just hides the story from their newsfeeds so they never see it.