Miley Cyrus has harsh words for stoners
In case you haven’t heard, and you definitely have because she LOVES talking about it, Miley Cyrus, the former patron saint of marijuana, has quit smoking the devil’s lettuce.
While in past interviews, she’s made sure to stress that marijuana is “a great thing for people,” now that it’s been a minute, she’s starting to get harsher in her critiques of stoner culture.
So, as a warning to Miley-loving pot heads, what you’re about to read may disturb you. You should probably spark up a J before reading.
On the same episode of Jimmy Fallon where Miley wore a non-disguise on the subway and fooled nobody into thinking she wasn’t Miley Cyrus singing “Jolene” on the subway in a cheap wig, Miley made sure to hit her favorite talking point: why she doesn’t smoke weed anymore.
Looking into Jimmy’s eyes, Miley mentioned he kind of had something to do with it.
“Member the last time I was here?” Miley asked. “I was dressed as a bunny rabbit and then like a cat. There’s a reason for that: I was high.”
But then she kept on talking and it was clear that wasn’t really the reason she stopped smoking weed.
“I had a dream that I would die during my monologue on ‘SNL’ for some reason, that I would just get so stoned that I just died,” Miley continued, adding, “which I Googled and that’s never happened.”
Concerned, and perhaps sensing a good sound bite coming on, Jimmy asked, “How much weed were you smoking?”
“A lot of weed,” Miley replied, going on to make the bold claim that, “no one’s ever smoked as much as I did,” which just seems like a blatant lie. But since Miley never specified what “a lot of weed” amounted to, we’ll never know for sure. But let’s be real, we can be sure about it. People have smoked more weed than Miley Cyrus. End of story.
And that’s when she metaphorically took off the gloves and started getting savage. Here’s what she said next:
”I was just thinking, if I want to sit on this couch and really tell people what I think about my new music, I wanted to sound as smart as hopefully I, you know, think that I could be and really explain what I’m doing. And, you know, I really just want to sit at home and eat, basically, when I’m stoned. And play with my dogs and the cat and the pig. I was spending way too much time with the pig and not enough time actually doing really anything.”
Alright, now let’s unpack that for a minute. Here’s what I got from that:
Stoners are dumb and bad at talking.
Honestly, this one’s kind of true. Try taking a blunt to the face and then try having a conversation without losing your train of thought. You won’t be able to.
All stoners want to do when they’re high is sit on the couch and eat.
Again, this is not entirely untrue. Yes, people make sativa strains for a reason, and yes, it’s possible to smoke and then go to Michael’s or collage with your friends outside, but again, let’s be real. Most of the time, what do you want to do when you get stoned? You want to sit on the couch, eat, and watch something. Because after all, you can’t really hold a conversation anyway.
And then she really drives it in at the end when she she says that when she was stoned, she didn’t spend enough time doing “really anything.”
Because when you’re stoned, it’s easy to be content with your life. It’s easy to not get as much stuff as you want done, cuz you’re hardcore chillin’ and having a good time doing it.
Either way, it’s not what her stoner fans are gonna want to hear.
Fingers crossed Facebook’s algorithm realizes that and just hides the story from their newsfeeds so they never see it.