How To Embrace Your Halloween Walk of Shame
The only thing scarier than Halloween is having to walk home the next morning in a slutty mouse costume. Or, is it?
Sure, walking home at 8 a.m. on Halloweekend in a cheap bodysuit from Amazon maybe isn’t on your to-do list, but if you got laid you should be damn proud of it.
Here’s how to totally own your Halloween walk of shame like the stride of pride that it really is.
1. Remember That Halloween Only Comes Once a Year
You never thought your “taco bae” outfit would be worn on the subway at 10 a.m. on a Sunday, but here you are. And the thing is, you probably will never be here again, unless you decide to wear the costume again next year. Halloween is only one day of the year, and look on the bright side, you’re getting more use out of the costume that you spent way too much time and money on!
2. Think About The Fact That You Just Got Laid
I’ve never understood why it was called the “walk of shame.” Like, excuse me? Why should you be embarrassed about the fact that you got laid while the loser calling you out from his balcony probably spent the night with his pocket pussy? There’s a reason why boys don’t get called out for doing walk of shames, because they don’t have any shame!
3. Realize How Much Dumber You’d Look In Heels And Athletic Shorts
Unless you’re literally going to pack an entire duffel bag to bring around all night in case you decide to go home with someone, your morning outfit options are going to be limited. Sure, you could steal a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt from your hook-up, but wearing that with your sky high stiletto heels and last night’s makeup is going to look totally ridiculous. Unless you’re hooking up with a girl, you’re going to look like you’re doing a walk of shame regardless of if you wear your costume or some bro’s hand-me-downs. What would you rather look like, a sexy firefighter that probs got fucked last night or an amorphous gym-goer who forgot to switch out her heels for sneakers?
4. Confidence Is Key
Like in any situation, you’re going to get made fun of if you look embarrassed. Own that fucking shit. Strut in last night’s heels (assuming your feet aren’t in pain), put on your bright red wig, and keep your head up. If you look confident and fully decked out, people may assume you’re going to a Halloween parade, or that you just felt like dressing up for brunch.
5. Take a Selfie
What’s the point of doing an epic stride of pride if your BFF’s don’t get to see a glimpse of the fun? Throw a dog filter on that ish so that the haters can further slut-shame you and you can continue to not give a fuck.
6. Channel Your Inner Amber Rose
7. Take Your Boo Back To Your Place
If you really can’t bear to face a Halloween walk of shame, there’s a simple solution: take Mr. Right Now to your place instead of going to his. But while you may avoid walking home the next morning, you probs won’t avoid having an annoying dude in your bed who will ask for morning sex at 7 a.m. and then continue to sleep until noon. Have fun with that!