6 Guys You’ll Find On Tinder When You’re Home For The Summer
School’s out for the summer, and while in high school you were hyped to spend your days on the beach with nothing to do, when you’re in college you almost don’t want to go home. You definitely don’t miss your professors or your classes, but living in your parents’ house all summer with your lame high school friends just isn’t the same as your college life that involved walks of shame and day drinking.
On top of that, you’ve had to say goodbye to your trusty fuck buddy for the summer, and are relegated to dudes who peaked in high school or your ex-boyfriend who gained 30 pounds and is now an aspiring DJ. Unfortunately, when you turn to Tinder, the results aren’t much better. Here’s what you’ll find.
1. The Dude Who Peaked In High School
After you’ve been out of high school for four to eight years, you’ll realize that popularity wasn’t everything. In fact, it seems that half (or more) of the “cool” kids in high school ended up never getting out of your hometown and still try to relive their glory days by attending football games and living in their parents’ basement.
While you would’ve fainted into your locker if this dude asked you out in high school, now that he’s a clerk at Home Depot instead of a football quarterback and he’s gained 20 pounds, he’s a lot less appealing. Our advice? Swipe right to see what he has to say, but don’t venture down memory lane and meet him in person.
2. The Guy Who’s Trying To Be a DJ
At the pinnacle of Mac Miller’s reign, every 20-something white dude was an aspiring rapper. Now, every kid is an aspiring DJ. There’s nothing wrong with dabbling in the art of mixing beats on the side of a regular job, but it’s a little pathetic when you see that one guy from your AP World History class on Tinder and notice that he now goes by “DJ Apple Sauced” and is using the app to promote his Soundcloud page.
3. The Guy Who Never Acknowledged You In High School
Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in. Funny how some dudes only were interested in girls in their clique in high school, but now that you ditched your glasses and lost 10 pounds suddenly they’re paying attention to you. They’ll message you with some generic high school memory and say you should totally catch up sometime over drinks. The funny thing is that you’d have absolutely nothing to “catch up” on since you legitimately never spoke a word to each other before. Revel in your confidence boost, but don’t give him the satisfaction of using his high school status to get laid.
4. The Guy Who Was Your Third Grade Teacher
Well, this is fucking awkward. You know you look much different now compared to when you were 10, but how could your hot third grade teacher have forgotten what a trouble maker you were? Even if he wasn’t hot, you would’ve still swiped right just for kicks just to see if he’d message you. The thing is, once he does, you’re now questioning if you should fess up and remind him that he was your teacher in 2003 at Maplewood Elementary? Or play it cool since he’s still a total babe?
5. The Bro Who Joined a Frat In College
Fraternities are enablers, they enable the dudes who were never cool and never got girls in high school to finally feel like they’re popular, or “a sick, pussy slaying bro.” This kid was a huge try-hard in high school, the kind of kid who hosted parties at his house for kids he wasn’t friends with just to feel like he was important.
Well, now that he joined the “top house” (allegedly) at his state school, he finally feels like he’s fulfilled his dreams. Girls like you are not out of his league anymore (or so he thinks), and if you deny his advances/creepy messages, he’ll probably make a comment about how you’re a “hoe anyway” or how he “bags way hotter chicks at school.”
6. The Guy You Dated In The 7th Grade
Okay, you guys “dated” in middle school, which consisted of a couple movie dates and a few make-out sessions. You guys may have held hands during a school assembly once… or maybe that was your other middle school boyfriend. He’s still pretty cute, and he’s finally taller than you (or so his profile claims), but his message to you about “re-living the past” is kind of creepy. What does that even mean? That he wants to have some more sloppy french kisses while Twilight plays in the background? You’ll pass, thanks.