Guide To Buying Non-Shitty Condoms
Please stop buying shitty condoms. This meansâ€¦
1. Trojans (esp. Magnums)
Worst condom brand ever and yet the most common. Guys stay falling for the â€œMagnum sizeâ€ marketing and shiny gold packaging. These not only feel like rubber dishwashing gloves, theyâ€™re the only condom thats ever broke on me. Not to mention dudes look like theyâ€™re playing themselves when you have an average sized dick and pull out a Magnum. Remember what Remy Ma said about baggy magnums?
Runner up for shittiest and most common condom brand goes to Lifestyles. Lifestyles has a pretty wide selection of condom types and every last one that ever came in contact with my uterus sucked. Lifestyles makes an â€œultra thinâ€ condom called the Skyn that has the same exact packaging as the Trojan Magnum.
And it feels just as shitty as the Trojan Magnum. Is it weird to hate a condom brand for its name? Because I f***ing hate the name Lifestyles.
I feel like these are the least evil and chafing of all the condom brands you can find at your local CVS. Strangely, I hardly ever see guys with Durex condoms. Maybe they have bad marketing? Maybe the guys I f*** have bad taste in condoms? I dunno, just get the ultra thin/sensitive ones and avoid the studded/ribbed kind.
4. Pretty much anything they sell at your average AmericanÂ pharmacyÂ sucks. Seriously.
5. Studded/Ribbed/Warming/Her Pleasure/etc.
Please stop buying condoms that swear they do magical tricks that feel good for the girl. For my pleasure my ass. Theyâ€™re not so much for my pleasure as they are for assuaging a guyâ€™s insecurities about having a mediocre dick.
6. Crown Skinless Skins
These are my favorite condoms by far. The Japanese being the freaks they are know what theyâ€™re doing when it comes to condom technology. Thinner than anything you can find in the store, good slip n slide, and super cheap on Amazon.
7. Okamoto 0.02
For people who are allergic to latex Okamoto makes a polyurethane condom thatâ€™s super thin.
8. Okamoto Super Big Boy
ROFLMAO at the fact that they put a horse on the box, thatâ€™s OD. But anyway if your dude actually has a big dick and needs larger condoms these are basically the Magnum version of the Crown Skinless Skins.