Guide To Buying Non-Shitty Condoms
Please stop buying shitty condoms. This means…
1. Trojans (esp. Magnums)
Worst condom brand ever and yet the most common. Guys stay falling for the “Magnum size” marketing and shiny gold packaging. These not only feel like rubber dishwashing gloves, they’re the only condom thats ever broke on me. Not to mention dudes look like they’re playing themselves when you have an average sized dick and pull out a Magnum. Remember what Remy Ma said about baggy magnums?
Runner up for shittiest and most common condom brand goes to Lifestyles. Lifestyles has a pretty wide selection of condom types and every last one that ever came in contact with my uterus sucked. Lifestyles makes an “ultra thin” condom called the Skyn that has the same exact packaging as the Trojan Magnum.
And it feels just as shitty as the Trojan Magnum. Is it weird to hate a condom brand for its name? Because I f***ing hate the name Lifestyles.
I feel like these are the least evil and chafing of all the condom brands you can find at your local CVS. Strangely, I hardly ever see guys with Durex condoms. Maybe they have bad marketing? Maybe the guys I f*** have bad taste in condoms? I dunno, just get the ultra thin/sensitive ones and avoid the studded/ribbed kind.
4. Pretty much anything they sell at your average American pharmacy sucks. Seriously.
5. Studded/Ribbed/Warming/Her Pleasure/etc.
Please stop buying condoms that swear they do magical tricks that feel good for the girl. For my pleasure my ass. They’re not so much for my pleasure as they are for assuaging a guy’s insecurities about having a mediocre dick.
6. Crown Skinless Skins
These are my favorite condoms by far. The Japanese being the freaks they are know what they’re doing when it comes to condom technology. Thinner than anything you can find in the store, good slip n slide, and super cheap on Amazon.
7. Okamoto 0.02
For people who are allergic to latex Okamoto makes a polyurethane condom that’s super thin.
8. Okamoto Super Big Boy
ROFLMAO at the fact that they put a horse on the box, that’s OD. But anyway if your dude actually has a big dick and needs larger condoms these are basically the Magnum version of the Crown Skinless Skins.