Which Fast Food is Perfect For Your Drunchies
Do you know what the great thing about fast food is? That it’s the same everywhere you go. No matter where you decide to go get blacked out, there’s very likely a fast food restaurant a short Uber ride away that will serve you your favorite cheeseburger and XL fries that you’ll passionately devour at 3 a.m.
Pizza is cool and all, but it’s less reliable. I mean, your favorite neighborhood pizza shop is great, but there are plenty of sketchy places with cardboard crust and shit. A good drive-thru is always reliable. But what should you eat? Well, my friend, that depends on what you’ve been getting drunk on.
1. Tequila: Filet-O-Fish
You already probably made at least seven horrible decisions tonight, why not YOLO once more? Getting fish at a fast food restaurant is a little bit of a wild card, but so is taking eight tequila shots and not wearing panties, and you already did both of those things earlier tonight.
2. Vodka: Chicken Nuggets
You’re a little bit basic, and so is your taste in fast food. You haven’t grown out of drinking the same Burnett’s Vodka, and you sure as hell haven’t grown out of eating the same stuff you used to get in your happy meals. But fuck it, chicken nuggets always deliver.
3. Champagne: French Fries and Milkshake
You prefer the finer things in life, whether it’s a bottle of Andre or the delicious sweet and savory combo of McDonald’s french fries dipped in a McFlurry. Oh you fancy, huh?
4. Beer: Big Mac
You’re bro-ing out. Either you really like beer, or you’re trying to seem “chill” for the guy you’re crushing on. Might as well go with it and order a Big Mac at 2 a.m. Bonus points if they are serving McRibs.
5. Whiskey: Grilled Chicken Salad
It’s kind of weird to get hammered off of whiskey, just like it’s kind of weird to get a salad at McDonald’s, especially late night. But you’re just special like that.
6. Wine: Chicken Sandwich
If you close your eyes, your Franzia will taste fancy. A chicken sandwich may not ever be fancy, but it is god-damn delicious. If you’re not too hammered by the time you get it, take it to go and pair it with some of your leftover wine (JK, there’s probs not any left, you savage).
7. Gin: Whopper
Gin is kind of a classic, and can go well with anything, just like a Burger King Whopper You can never really go wrong with a Whopper, and you can’t ever really go wrong with a gin and tonic, unless you’re at a sketchy dive bar and their tonic water is def expired. Oops.