57 Basic Hot Guy Names And What They Mean
When a perfectly chiseled blonde dude with white teeth comes up to you at the bar and introduces himself as “Brad,” you’re probably thinking, “of course your name is fucking Brad.”
You can say “a rose by any other name smells just as sweet,” but we beg to differ. Something about a dude named Brad just screams “conventionally handsome,” just like the name Chad screams “date rapist.”
If you’re trying to figure out what to think of your latest Tinder match, just ask yourself, what’s in a name?
1. Brad
You stared at the back of his head longingly all throughout high school. He messaged you two years ago on Tinder as if he’d never seen you before in his life.
2. Matt
Joined a fraternity in college and ruined all his chances of hotness with a beer belly.
3. Dylan
Asked your sister out after you rejected him.
4. Kyle
Will fuck anything that breathes.
5. Ryan
Has a freakishly big dick for a short guy.
6. Jason
Will act like your boyfriend for one week and then act like he doesn’t know you the next. Might be on drugs.
7. Jesse
Uses cougar dating sites and has tried meth.
8. Joey
Perfect pecs. Obsessed with omelettes.
9. Riley
Still lives with his mom, claims he’s a DJ.
10. Aaron
Randomly texts you high thoughts. You entertain them because he’s sexy.
11. Nick
Takes all of his Tinder dates to the same bar.
12. Alex
The cutest little skater boy in middle school. Currently looks like Jabba the Hut.
13. Sean
Took over the “family business” which apparently means posting racist shit on Facebook at all hours of the day.
14. Brett
Has a big dick. Also is a big dick.
15. Michael
Probably going to marry his high school sweetheart. Still slides into your DMs randomly.
16. Mike
Peaked in high school.
17. Mikey
Sends mass booty call texts. It usually works.
18. Patrick
Joined a frat in college and now thinks he’s the fucking Wolf of Wall Street.
19. Rob
Doesn’t try to hide the fact that he’s an asshole. Loves being called a fuckboy. Always trying to fight someone at the bar.
20. Robbie
Teddy bear. Randomly lost all his chubbiness after college and is now strangely sexy. Always gives head.
21. Seth
Poses with a surfboard more than he actually rides one.
22. Taylor
Tall, older dreamboat who always has a girlfriend with perfect hair.
23. Andrew
Has a small dick. Doesn’t know how to use it.
24. Will
Gets violently angry at you after you reject him.
25. Tommy
Huge goofball, but like, in a sexy way. Has a tattoo on his ass.
26. Mark
Momma’s boy.
27. Anthony
Looks like a god. Also has the IQ of a potato.
28. Tony
Might be in the mafia.
29. Jack
Thinks Vineyard Vines is cool.
30. Ben
Is really deep and too shy to actually hit on you. Once you realize that no “signs” you give are going to get him to make a move, you eventually give up.
31. Jeremy
Has a ton of tattoos and tries to be “edgy,” but is really just a baby in a leather jacket.
32. Bobby
Tweeted “All Lives Matter.”
33. Shawn
Really good at a bougie person sport (lacrosse, golf, tennis).
34. Jimmy
Too immature to ever grow up to be a James. Avoid them like the plague.
35. Danny
Danny has wonderful hair and a dad who left his family so basically his entire life is based around that. He also plays guitar and thinks soccer is going to happen for adults in America and needs to get the f over it. Stop going to bars to watch soccer Danny, nobody cares!
36. Nathan
Shy in person, animal in bed.
37. Travis
You’ll never get over him. He still thinks your name is Jane.
38. Chad
Will date rape you.
39. Jacob
Ex-fuck buddy who had an emotional breakdown during college so now you’re Facebook friends with his mom.
40. Joel
Posts shirtless selfies with his guitar on Instagram. Claims he’s “complicated.”
41. Troy
Secretly is really good at painting but doesn’t tell anybody because it’s “not manly enough.”
42. Jay
Total asshole, but he smiles a lot and thinks he can confuse people.
43. Leo
Is 90-99% sure he’s god’s gift to women.
44. Tim
Skinny nerd who loves craft beer and his mom too much.
45. Wes
Has a lot of feelings and probably cries more than you do.
46. Zac
Doesn’t know where the clitoris is.
47. Zach
Didn’t get laid until halfway through college.
48. Zack
Virgin. Still thinks girls having their period are gross.
49. Shane
Still has the Justin Bieber swoop hair.
50. Sam:
Thinks he’s a “nice guy” and uses that as an excuse to get mad at you for not fucking him.
51. Tyler
Is a human golden retriever — lovable, goofy, fun, and willing to hump anything that stands still long enough.
52. Jared
Lovable oaf who despite his chub and lack of ambition/job is somehow always dating a 10.
53. Jordan
Emotionally unavailable.
54. Justin
The older man who’s way too busy for you because of his job. Fantastic in bed, like 11/10.
55. Ian
Wants to be a hipster but is tragically uncool. Wants to have problems even though his life is perfectly fine.
56. Colin
Owns too much vinyl and tries to play it around you to melt your heart. It works when you’re drunk.
57. James
Tries to fuck his best friend’s ex the day after they break up.
