A 7-Step Guide For When You Catch Him Snooping Through Your Phone

Scour the internet, and you may find plenty of articles telling women how to get away with Facebook stalking, how to hack his emails, or how to find out if he’s cheating.

But what about when the tables are turned? Women aren’t the only people that gets jealous, and when you throw out the gender stereotypes in your head, you’ll find that guys are as likely to be insecure and curious about their significant other’s life (and phone) as girls are.

So when you waltz into the room and find your dude face first in your DMs, you may want to freak out. I mean, WTF, that’s private shit! So instead of throwing your iPhone at the wall, do this instead.

1. Don’t Freak Out

When someone goes through one of your most private possessions, it can be jarring. It’s tempting to start yelling and/or screaming hateful things that you don’t really mean, such as, “Well, I liked that guy’s photo because he actually has a six-pack unlike you, Mr. Beer Belly.” Try your best not to do this, because this is only going to escalate the problem. Don’t kick him out of your apartment or storm out of his apartment. If you get super-duper defensive, it may make your partner more convinced that you have something to hide, even when you don’t.

2. Okay, Maybe Freak Out a Little Bit

That being said, don’t act like it’s totally chill that your dude was going through your messages, emails, or whatever else without asking. Make sure he knows that you’re pissed and/or hurt that he feels the need to go through your shit. Explain to him how you’re feeling in the calmest way possible. If you’re not a very calm person, give yourself  a minute or two to cool down and formulate what you need to say to your sleuthing boyfriend.

3. Don’t Plot Revenge

Going through his phone as revenge for him going through yours is the complete opposite of what you want to do. Even if you’re not going behind his back to do so, this breaks the boundaries that you need to have with your significant other if you want a healthy relationship. Fuck, if you guys are going to do this, you may as well make one of those joint couple Instagram accounts or set up your voice mail so both of you are saying, “We can’t get to the phone right now teeheehee.” If you have the urge to go through his phone, you’re just as bad as he is.

4. Ask Him Honest Questions

Instead of letting your anger get the best of you, try to put yourself in your man’s shoes. Ask him why he was going through your phone, what was he looking for? If he’s done this before, what prompted him to do it again? How would he feel if you were doing the same thing? Did he find anything that upset him? Go through it with him and explain why he has nothing to worry about and why he’s being irrational. Sure, it might seem annoying to have to explain how Bobby is your cousin which is why you texted him “okay little baby,” but if your man never knows the answer to these questions he’s going to always wonder and possibly want to snoop more.

5. Talk Trust

The most important message you need to get across to your dude is that in order to have a happy relationship, he needs to trust you. While you have nothing to hide, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t things on your phone that you don’t want him to see. Unlike him, you have conversations with your girlfriends, guy friends, and family members about private matters all the time, conversations that he’s not necessarily supposed to be a part of. It can be tougher for guys understand this, because they’re generally not texting their bros about their deepest feelings or desires, which is why you need to make this clear for him.

Neither of you wants to be in a relationship where there is no trust and one or both of you feels that you constantly have to monitor the other one. All it will cause is your resentment towards him in the end. If he can’t find it in him to trust you, you need to find a dude that does.

6. Define Boundaries

If your dude still isn’t getting the whole “GTFO of my phone” thing, try defining boundaries. Maybe you’re cool with him answering your phone if you’re not in the room and it’s someone he knows, maybe you’re down with him knowing your password in case of emergencies, but maybe you’re not. And that’s okay too. If you both have standard “ground rules” of boundaries, you’ll both know when you’re crossing the line with your inner crazy. Some people are cool with their guy having their password to everything, but if it doesn’t feel right for you, then it’s your business and he should respect that.

7. Tell Him To Stop Being Crazy

Whoever said girls are the crazy ones was definitely a fuckboy that wanted to divert from his own equally crazy actions. Once you get through the serious shit, make sure your man knows that he’s being absolutely psycho for secretly snooping through your shit. After all, nothing wrong with a little bit of teasing, right? It’s our duty to fight back against the crazy girl stereotype after all.

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