The 14 Stages Of Day Drinking
It’s Saturday, so you know what that means — it’s time to day drink. Because only on a day when brunch is served can you start drinking at 10am! But when it comes to getting shwasted, what starts out fun often ends in misery. Here’s the 14 stages of day drinking you could potentially experience:
1. “It’s way too early.”
Ugh, I don’t even wake up this early for class, yet I’m waking up this early to drink.
2. “I’ll just start with something light.”
Maybe a mimosa or a beer, it’s still early as fuck.
3. “A shot doesn’t sound too bad right now.”
I mean, we’ve already started drinking so…
4. “Maybe a couple more, everyone here seems drunker than me.”
I’m DEFINITELY not drunk enough to dance to “Uptown Funk” with those bitches yet.
5. “Shit, I forgot to eat breakfast.”
Oh well, I’ll get pizza after I’m done drinking…
6. “What time is it?”
*Snapchats a pic with the current time over myself beer-bonging*
7. “Damn, I think those shots are kicking in…”
I’m DEFINITELY drunk enough to dance to “Uptown Funk” with those bitches now
8. “I think the dude from my Econ lecture is hitting on me”
I knew he was checking me out that day I wore yoga pants.
9. “I’m totally okay with it.”
*starts making out with him*
10. “Is it really a one night stand if it happens during the day?”
Who cares? Not me!
11. “Actually, I’m more hungry than horny.”
*escapes dance floor for nearest pizza joint*
12. “This is what love really feels like.”
Extra parmesan, please!
13. “No, no THIS is what love really feels like.”
*falls into bed with shoes on*
14. “I’ll just set an alarm for 9pm so I can go back out tonight!”
*sleeps until Sunday afternoon*
And there you have it.
