6 Things Only Single Girls Can Do On Halloween
Plenty of holidays can make you want a boyfriend. Halloween is not one of them.
Like seriously, is anyone thinking to themselves, “OMG, I wish I had a boyfriend so we could dress up as Bill and Hillary this year?” No, they’re not.
Halloween is for hoe-ing around in a leotard and seeing how many rando pieces of men’s Halloween costumes you can steal from the dance floor. Sorry taken girls, but single girls get to have all the fun on Halloween.
1. Score Halloween Party Invites From Dating Apps
If you live in a city like NYC, being a single girl is everything. First off, there’s no way you want to be in a crowded ass bar on Halloween, so house parties are where it’s at. Unfortunately, sometimes your friends are lame and don’t want to sacrifice their apartment to Halloween debauchery. No worries, just troll Tinder or Bumble for a little bit and ask guys what they’re doing for Halloween. Once you tell them that you’re dressing as a Playboy bunny, they’re sure to invite you to whatever party they’re going to. If you’re feeling fancy, you’re probs also able to score an invite to a ticketed Halloween party for free because you have tits, which is another bonus.
2. Make Out With a Hot Dog, a Policeman, and a Vampire In One Night
Who knew you had such broad taste in men? Well on Halloween, you do. When else are you going to be able to hook up with Barack Obama and a life-size M&M? Probs not until next Halloween.
3. Have an Epic Halloween Walk of Shame
If you dread your post-Halloween walk of shame, you’re doing it wrong. It’s just another opportunity to wear your killer Barbarella costume for the world to see! Besides, if you’re not proud of getting laid last night, what are you proud of? Sure, taken girls can do walk of shames after Halloween, but you know they probs at least have makeup remover at their boo’s house already, so it doesn’t count.
4. Have a Halloween Threesome
Christmas threesome just doesn’t have the same ring to it, but a Halloween threesome is all systems go. I mean, just think of all the possibilities. It could be a pre-planned three blind mice costume. Or it could be totally spontaneous and it could be a princess, Miley Cyrus, and a cowboy! Honestly, that shit should be filmed and sold to Pornhub, I volunteer myself as tribute.
5. Dress Really Thotty Without Anyone Secretly Being Pissed
Nothing is worse than a guy who loves the way you dress when you’re first talking, but then suddenly wants you to dress like a mom when you make things official. Not cool man, not cool. You just know that taken girls’ boyfriends are secretly getting pissed at their slutty costumes and begging them to wear something that covers more. Either that or they’re making sure to be by their side all damn night in case any guy gets any ideas and stares at her for too long. How fucking boring.
6. Thot Together With Your BFF’s
Being thotty alone is a great time, but when you and your friends encourage each other to be thotty, that’s when true bonding moments happen. Maybe you’re all being different Alice in Wonderland characters or maybe you’re being Victoria’s Secret angels, but either way, hoes who support hoes is always a great recipe for a killer Halloween. If you’re taken, you’re probs going to do some lame couple costume with bae while all your BFFs are secretly pissed at you for ditching them cuz they needed you, the token redhead, to be Ginger Spice for their Spice Girls costume. I hope you plan on staying with your boo thang forever, cuz your girl friends aren’t going to forgive you for this one.