6 Ridiculous Things Doctors Did To Our Vaginas In History

If you saw the news about male birth control maybe not ever being a thing because guys can’t handle mood swings, you probably wanted to kill yourself. Yeah, same here.

But if you thought that was ridiculous, don’t worry, there is a plethora of obscene things that have been done to women and their vaginas in history.

We checked out Girlfriend’s Guide To The Vagina, specifically part 2: Vaginas Through The Ages, and picked out our favorite, ridiculous historical vag facts.

Let’s take a trip down memory lane and look at what went on with our crinkum-crankums (a.k.a. vagina, in historical speak).

1. That Time Hippocrates Thought Non-Preggo Women’s Wombs Would Desert Them

You probably know Hippocrates as the father of modern medicine. Little did you know he was also the father of the “wandering womb.” What’s that? Oh, the theory that if a womb was empty (aka, not with child), it would get TF up and wander around a women’s body, causing lots of problems along the way. Obviously, the cure was to be pregnant like 24/7, which sounds like a blast.

2. That Time Galen Thought Orgasm Was Necessary For Conception

A prominent ancient physician named Galen was under the impression that women could not get pregnant from a rape because they released a “seed” during orgasm that was necessary for conception. LOL, if this was the case the world would have a lot less people, and maybe dudes would’ve taken the time to actually learn about a woman’s body.

3. Five Words: Egg Beater In Your Vag

Somehow, there are businesses that still convince women they need to clean their self-washing vagina. But in the Victorian era, things were even worse. The cleaning mechanism of choice was called Lawson’s Vaginal Washer, and it was basically an egg beater inserted into your vag and cranked so that the blades would “clean” your vag! Holy fuck!

4. The Scare Birth Control Technique 

Guys love to complain about smelly pussy today as if their dick is scented of sandalwood and lavender. Well, in Ancient Greece women specifically made foul-smelling concoctions to place in their pussies in attempts to “scare away” sperm from entering. Maybe we adapted?

5. The OG NuvaRing

If dudes weren’t down to wear some animal intestines as a condom, women were plagued with the birth control duties (as we still mainly seem to be today). Because there was no such thing as Nuvaring or female condoms, ladies were told to shove other things up our vag in attempts to block sperm. What kind of things? Well, they ranged from quinine soaked sponges to dung and fermented leaves. Cute!

6. Orgasm May Come At Risk Of Electric Shock

You probably knew that being horny used to equate to being hysterical for women in the old days, because women weren’t “supposed” to be horny, especially if they were single. But no worries, doctors could treat this “disorder” with a good old vibrator. Yes, you heard that right, your doctor would get you off IRL, not in a porno. The only downside to this method was that vibrators were not wireless and tech-savvy like they are today. In fact, many vibrators had the likelihood of administering a little electric shock with those vibrations. But small price to pay, I guess?

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